New Years Resolutions



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     The Staff at TwistedFans.com has come up with a  list of New Years Resolutions for players, coaches and some fans to abide by in 2002.

Nate Newton: Resolve to stop at that red light before pulling into a 7-eleven to grab snacks for the munchies.

A Browns fan throws a bottle onto the field.

Cleveland Browns fans should resolve to improve their aim for next year.

Rob Dibble: Resolve to never doubt the hitting ability of diminutive ballplayers from Japan.

Rudy Giuliani: Resolve to consult for the Yanks.

Steve Phillips: Resolve to get some pitching.

Eric Lindros:  To keep my head down.

Bruce Crisman: Resolve to never again pose for Playgirl.

Leilani Rios: Resolve to enjoy my 15 minutes. Thank you Playboy!

Anna Kournikova: Resolve to win a tournament even if it means practicing more and postponing my 2003 Calendar photoshoot.

Williams Sisters: Resolve to get over our Electra complex problems.

Danny Almonte: Resolve to be 12 again and enjoy little league baseball.

George O'Leary: Resolve to begin classes at NYU-Stony Brook and obtain my Masters degree.

Keyshawn Johnson: Resolve to hang with my man Wayne Chrebet and talk about the good ole days.

Mark Gastineau: Resolve to make a comeback in 2002 so I can reclaim my soon to be defunct season sack record.

Richard Grant should resolve to avoid bare fisted sucker punches.
Drew Bledsoe: Resolve to find a job.

Terry Glenn: Resolve to find out what year it is.

Ray Lewis: Resolve to never trash talk clearly superior athletes like Jerome Bettis Again.

Vince McMahon:  Promote wrestling and football as sports requiring great amounts of physical skill and talent, as embodiments of the epitome of human physical endeavors, sports with long histories of honor and tradition.  And to show more tit.

San Francisco Forty Niners' Assistant Defensive Coordinator Gene Simmons:  Resolve that when the season is finished, the KISS Army will find Ossama bin Laden!  Nothing can stop the KISS Army!

Carl Everett: Resolve to play Scrooge for all the Rangers' children in A Christmas Carol.

Mike Piazza: Resolve to never again date magazine journalist, especially after learning that Out magazine is not about baseball.

Barry Bonds: Resolve never to make the same mistakes as Mike.

Jeff Van Gundy: Resolve to not laugh every time I see my old team on television.

Jerry Krause: Resolve to scour this nation's middle schools and bring my new coach the best possible eighth-grade talent in 2002.

Michael Jordan: Resolve to go away and let the next generation of NBA athletes get out from under my shadow.

Ahmad Rashad: Resolve to resolve whatever MJ resolves.

Charles Barkley: Resolve to never discuss "my comeback" again.

Shaq:  Resolve to get back to what's important: my acting career!

The fools over at ESPN Page 2 should resolve to stop stealing ideas from TwistedFans.com

Olden Polynice: Resolve to become a real cop now that I have the time.

Marcus Camby: Resolve to play in 10 consecutive games.

Grant Hill: Resolve to have my ankle replaced with Patrick Ewing's ankle.

NASCAR: Resolve to crash into flames.

Bill MacManus, Goatgrabbing Fantasy League Champ:  Repeat!  Repeat!

Ian Woosnam: Resolve to hire a caddy who can count to 15.

Bob Knight: Who the @#&!&# needs all these #(@(*!& New Year's Resolution?

TwistedFans Staff would like to wish all of its readers a happy healthy New Year.

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See Also:

ESPN: The Year in Sex & Sports

Helping to make the NFL a better place in 2002

Best Sport Names of the Year

Take the 2001 News Quiz

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