Issue #1
May 22, 2001

The Secret Richard Williams Has Kept For Years: "I'm Not Their Father"

A Tangled Web of Intrigue

Paris, FranceRichard Williams today gave the press a rare glimpse into his heart, revealing that daughters Serena and Venus are not in fact his biological offspring. "I can't lie to them anymore ... we can't lie to them anymore," said a broken and despondent Williams.

When pressed for details, he painted a vivid picture of the early trials and tribulations of his marriage to the girls' mother Judy. "We weren't ourselves back then. The late 70's were fading into the 1980's, and I wasn't where I wanted to be in my career. I went out and drank and Judy became estranged from me."

It was then that Judy Williams met a young, up and coming fitness trainer named Richard Simmons.

"He was such a kind and gentle person," Judy admitted in a statement released by the Williams' publicist. The two Richards, Williams and Simmons, shared Judy for a five year period. During that time, Judy and the fitness guru were both heavy substance abusers, and it was a miracle that daughters Venus and Serena survived at all. After both sobered up and Serena, the youngest, was two years old, Simmons agreed to let Richard Williams raise the girls as his own.

Mr. Simmons could not be reached for comment. His publicist claimed that Simmons was busy counseling a man so fat that his body mass blocked the trainer's cellular phone signal.

Venus and Serena have vowed to forge a relationship with their biological father. "In my heart, I always knew," said a teary-eyed and emotional Venus. "The three of us share so much in common. I mean, he's white, but otherwise we are very similar."

Staff Writer Butch Rogaine covers Knicks Basketball when he's not licking boots in Duluth.

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