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Early Season Turkeys in the NBA


Tues, Nov 27, 2001


Issue #25


Yes, we're only a few games into the basketball season, but the turkeys have emerged:

Allan Houston and GM Scott Layden, NY Knicks
"I have to play more aggressive ... I need to be more aggressive with the ball." What does all of this translate into? 24 points against the Chicago Bulls. We can only imagine what great gains Houston might get with some aggression against the Cleveland Cavaliers ... 28 points maybe? and a steal perhaps? The Knicks' $100 million man is showing what a complete waste of money he was and what an idiot GM Scott Layden is. The player is living off the one shot he hit against Miami a few years back and the exec is proving that his GM daddy is the only reason he was able to get in this business. Being the man who "discovered Howard Eisley" is no great stake to fame.

Turkey rating: 10 giblets out of 10, their team is cooked.

Chris Webber, Sacramento Kings
Only in sports can you diss the guy who owns your company, constantly threaten to go elsewhere, end up with a 100 million dollar plus contract with the same company and then get a boo boo that forces you to sit on the bench while you get paid. We think that for all that money, C-dog could at least get into some kind of training regimen that would help him avoid injury. Normally we'd now start talking about Knicks bust Marcus Camby, but New York has enough other things to worry about.

Turkey rating: 4 giblets out of 10, he'll get better and kick ass again – just not in an NBA Finals series.

Michael Jordan, Washington Wizards
We know MJ's comeback isn't gonna affect anyone's final impression of his career, but this is disgusting to watch. Yeah, he still scores over 20 a game, but he's shooting 10% below his career shooting percentage: 122 for 302 twelve games into the season. If there was some realistic way he could get his team into the playoffs, this would be entertaining. However, there's no Scottie on this team, so it's dull to watch a slow MJ plod along the court.

Turkey rating: 5 giblets out of 10. He won't be back for another season.

Lamar Odom, L.A. Clippers
This idiot has Elton Brand and a bunch of interesting young talent on his team. So he of course does what seems natural, smokes up and gets suspended. Call him Lameass.

Turkey rating: 10 giblets out of 10. He needs to get a clue.   

Nate McMillan, Seattle Supersonics
Yes, he's a fairly new coach and a former player, so we should cut him some slack. Then again, how are the Sonics 6-8 with a team that's got the Glove and decent young talent like Rashard Lewis and Brent Barry?

Turkey rating: 1 giblets out of 10. It's not that bad yet, but we've got you in the crosshairs.

Cleveland Cavaliers Organization
Is the Cavs' owner blind? Oh, sorry, he really is. Still, that's not an excuse. This team has been mediocre forever. If the Magic can lose Shaq and Penny and bounce back a few years later to get T-Mac and Grant Hill, why can't these fools surround Dre Miller with some talent?

Turkey rating: 10 giblets out of 10.

Luscious Rosenbaum, however, is not surprised by such Turkeys as the Miami Heat, Chicago Bulls, or Memphis Grizzlies.

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