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X-Gamer Disqualified after
Posing Nude in Playgirl

PHILADELPHIABruce Crisman has been disqualified from this year’s X-Games Competition in Philadelphia after it was learned that he posed wearing only a dice cap cock-ring in the September 2001 Playgirl Magazine.

Crisman admittedly posed for $12.50 and a pair of mags after hearing about the amount of publicity generated by Lisa Harrison’s statement regarding possibly posing for Playboy if she won their "Sexiest Babes of the WNBA" Poll.

"God, I need to get paid. When I heard that Lisa almost bumped Anna (Kournikova) from the top spot on Lycos, I thought, Jesus, that’s the ticket. My life’s dream is to be the Web’s most searched athlete."

Baron Shatzhispants, editor of "Lycos Sports Web's Most Wanted Athlete" list, stated emphatically that "the less clothing an athlete wears the more likely that they will be highly searched!"

X-Games V.P. of Operations, Mort Hauscarriagge, insisted that Crisman was disqualified because he violated the 78 page X-Games Code of Conduct, which he was asked to sign, but not read. Crisman’s participation as an X-Games athlete, it seems, hinged on whether Playgirl could be considered a mainstream publication as defined by Rule 14, Paragraph 7, Line 306.

Bodega Jones, Crisman's attorney, has said that he will appeal ESPN’s ruling and take it to the Supreme Court if he has to. "This is a gross inequity wrought on Bruce by ESPN, he has a constitutional right to show his schlong and pictorialize his penis," stated a visibly perturbed Jones, "Have they even seen the photos? They’re great!"

Jones also queried: "Why is it that Patrick Ewing and Andruw Jones can get their dicks sucked at Gold’s Club, but Bruce Crisman and Leilani Rios can’t take off their clothes to make a few bucks and still be treated as athletes?"

Who should we blame for this sordid state of affairs? Playgirl for dishing out the dollars, the media who fans the flames of fame or does it come down to the disparity in pay among athletes.

Doug Monroe, director of B.U.’s Psycho-Gender-Sports Program, explained that "The fact that Patrick Ewing got paid $15 million last year for doing nothing, while athletes like Bruce Crisman work heart and soul to reach the top of their sport, and receive neither the attention deserved for their abilities or monetary reward equal to those of their fellow athletes creates this situation." He finds that their status as athletes offers them the opportunity to take off their clothes and get paid for doing it. "It’s much like the ‘Survivor Phenomenon.’"

Monroe also states that Crisman is simply following a trend where lesser paid athletes seek fortune and stardom by peddling their flesh. Other examples include Vicky Botwright an Internationally Ranked Squash Player who posed in the thong that she wore in a match, Brandy Chastain World Cup Champion and the penalty kick that launched The Bra, The Matildas an Aussie soccer team who created their own nude calendar before the Olympics, and Leilani Rios who was kicked off the Cal State Fullerton Cross Country team because her main extra-curricular was exotic dancing at the Flamingo Theater in Anaheim.

K-Cebo Satashi was once paid a dollar for a xerox of his ass.

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