Issue #10


July 31, 2001


NASCAR Announces
New Market Expansion

+By Luscious

Southern Hick Mountain, North CarolinaNASCAR officials, in conjunction with Fox Sports, announced that they will introduce a new style of racing product expected to be ready by 2002.

Above: "Auto Racing's Newest Fans Celebrate the Announcement of GAYSCAR"

     Titled ‘GAYSCAR On Fox,’ it is NASCAR’s way of attempting to corner the entire market of males 18-44. Jacques E. Strep, who will be spearheading the project, detailed his vision for GAYSCAR: "We will have the normal assortment of drivers, except that they will not be wearing safety helmets or driving your typical vehicles." Instead, according to Strep, drivers will be racing golf carts at speeds approaching 30 mph.

     "We believe this new product will increase the accessibility of our drivers to fans. GAYSCAR expects that the carts will mean more visibility of drivers. In fact, each driver will be encouraged to select his own unique attire and to decorate his cart." Fox has already hired "creative consultants" to help drivers make decisions on their own appearances and the look of their vehicles. In addition, golfer Casey Martin will christen the first golf cart with a bottle of Smirnoff Ice, the new official drink of GAYSCAR. Insiders say NBC is upset at its own executives, who had the opportunity to acquire the rights to GAYSCAR and schedule races to follow its WNBA programming.

     In related news, Fox is also planning a reality television show named "Temptation GAYSCAR." It will involve several civilian life partners racing cross country in golf carts with attractive "ringers," who attempt to test the strength of their relationships. The program has already attracted the attention of the Boy Scouts of America and Church of Scientology, who hope to serve as sponsors.

Luscious Rosenbaum vows he will not be tempted by Temptation GAYSCAR.

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