Butch Rogaine Predicts the NBA Conference Semi-Finals

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Issue #47


Lakers 6-5
Kings 4-1
Nets 15-1
Pistons 15-1

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Mavs-Kings: Seeing as how the Mavs have so many white players, I'd normally call them losers. However, the Kings have lots of white guys too. This much is true: the black guys on both teams will do well. The winner of this round will depend on whose white guys can play better. The Mavs have more tall white guys, so I'm leaning heavily towards them.
My Pick: Mavs in Seven

Nets-Hornets: This is a difficult one to predict. Both teams have the word "nets" in their name, causing endless complications in my calculations of the factors involved. Charlotte has to face playing the Nets with no Mashburn and no fans. Not only do the Nets have home court, the Hornets don't even have their own home advantage when they're in Charlotte. Everyone is expecting them to leave, and no one cares if they win. Baron Davis and the Nets' cocky overconfidence are the only things keeping this from being a sweep.
My Pick: Nets in Six

Pistons-Celtics: This is a hard one -- it will all depend on who is announcing the majority of their games. The Pistons seem to do better when Marv and Walton are announcing, while the Celtics thrive by the voice of Mike Breen. It won't be easy, but Antoine Walker and Paul Pierce will reward the most racist sports town in the U.S. with a trip to the Conference Finals.
My Pick: Celtics in Seven

Lakers-Spurs: Normally, I'd give this to the Lakers, but there is one intervening factor: Rick Fox' hair. In past Lakers' Championship seasons, Fox had hair. This year, his head's as cleanly shaven as a guy ready for death row. Expect this condition to throw off the dynamics and aerodynamics of the entire team.
My Pick: Spurs in Seven.

Butch Rogaine should not underestimate the Mavs white guy's ability of not showing up, the HorNETS on the road, the Pistons bad boys to debilitate Breen and Fox's hair to grow bake instantly like a Ch-Ch-Ch-Chia.

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