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Rogaine Rant: Everything in sports has been pissing me off lately


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Issue #47

Including the following:

NBA

Vince Carter is the softest player ever to be dubbed a "superstar." He only looks good in the regular season whenever he decides to play in the regular season and in those retro 70's basketball ads. By the way, is it just me or was ABSOLUTELY NO ONE wearing Nikes in the 70's? Those commercials are really ads for Converse.

I hate people acting like every tall foreign guy is gonna be the next great white or yellow hope. Dirk Nowitzki isn't better than Shaq, Olajuwon or even Ewing in their primes. He's a seven foot forward who never gets matched up against good centers. He doesn't dunk like Shaq or hold court under the basket. He's a good power forward. These Asian guys are all just tall men with no muscle. Foreign players don't pump iron or compete against great black players. Coming to the NBA is a reality check.

I hate that all these tall bastards want to be pansy ass power forwards, so that they don't need to bang bodies down low. Kevin Garnett and Chris Webber are softies, who ran away from the call to be big men. All there is out there is Shaq in the middle. Remember when there used to be Olajuwon, Ewing, Smits, et cetera in man-on-man matchups? The big bodied center is becoming extinct.


Major League Baseball

Things I can't stand about baseball announcers:

a) Announcers who think we care what their kids or wives say to them at home.

b) Announcers who think we care what kind of music they listen to or what they're gonna be watching on TV tonight.

c) Announcers who think we want to hear them complaining about the difficulty of having to travel on the road with a professional baseball team. Boo hoo, I have to sit in a damn office 10 hours a day staring at a computer monitor. You're not gonna get me to feel sorry for you.

d) Announcers who, after blabbing about all of the above, then can't tell you a correct stat or properly assess the accuracy of an umpire's call.

Things I don't want to hear about anymore:

a) How the Minnesota Twins are good so they shouldn't be contracted. It's not about how good the team is, it's about how the fans refuse to go see the team despite the fact it is good. No one in Montreal or Minnesota wants to watch those teams play. If 20,000 people a game go see the Red Sox play even when they suck, clearly they deserve to stay where they are. 5,000 a night for a winning team is unacceptable. Just get rid of all the Florida teams, Minnesota, and Montreal so that we can have teams with more than 2 good starting pitchers.

b) Don't telll me Bud Selig or the Commissioner's Office is going to investigate something. We know it's all a sham. The owners want to show they're losing money and can't pay players. I don't care if they're losing money or not, to be honest. Let them keep as much as they want. The fact is, it's a lot more work being an owner than being a player. However, I'd rather they collude against the players instead of have a cap or a strike.

Hockey

I hate television and radio people who don't watch hockey all season long and then suddenly decide to talk about it and say it's too violent.

I can't stand people who coach, play or announce hockey on a regular basis trying to find a way to make it look like all the head on collisions are part of the game.

Is it me, or is the NHL just a U.S.-funded program designed to employ and entertain Russians and Canadians?


Football

I'm sick of players who get cut because of the cap, and then act like they have to come back with a new team and prove something. You got your money from two different teams, now stop pretending like it's all about respect, pride, etc.


Soccer

I LOVE SOCCER. Or is it curling that I love? I forget.


Butch Rogaine has been writing 3 articles a week for TwistedFans for the last year.

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