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Japanese Motorbike Received Last Minute DQ from Kentucky Derby


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Issue #47

Yamaha 2000 Edition was disqualified from participating in the Kentucky Derby, when race officials realized that it was in fact a motorcycle carrying a faux horse's head atop its handle bars. The discovery was made on the morning of the race, when Japanese jockey Yomi Kichi, riding Yamaha 2000 Edition, began running rings around other horses in practice. Other jockeys began complaining that fumes from Yamaha 2000 Edition were making them sick. "At first, I thought his horse had an upset stomach, but then I recognized that it was the exhaust of a motorcycle," explains jockey Javier Chavez.

Race officials asked Kichi to stop his motorcycle, but the four-foot eleven-inch man refused to comply, whipping the bike's backseat furiously with his riding crop even after it stalled and ran out of gas. Kichi then watched in horror as one of the Derby horse handlers ripped off his bike's "head," which appeared to have been taken from a horse suit.

The jockey was visibly upset with the disqualification and beheading. "No one said anything about it during the weeks leading up to the race," he complained, while surrounded by animal rights activists angry at the decapitation.

Meanwhile, Derby officials are still investigating how they failed to detect the mechanical Yamaha 2002 Edition, which was several feet shorter than a real horse. "We did the standard tests for drugs, which came up negative. What more were we expected to do?" asked one anonymous Derby official.

The incident is expected to result in heightened scrutiny of entries to the next Triple Crown event of the year, the Preakness. "Personally, I hope they keep a good watch on all the horses set to race at the Preakness," said jockey Jorge Santana, while sitting atop his horse Kawasaki Ninja. "There's no room in this sport for cheating."

Luscious Rosenbaum

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