Warriors Well Into Their Vacation



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Issue #47

Gone 'til November: "This place is slammin'!!!", marvels J-Rich.
PUNTA CANA, DOMINICAN REPUBLIC  The NBA's Golden State Warriors are enjoying their annual off-season hiatus in the Caribbean, a Santo Domingo news source reported Wednesday.

     "Each April 25th, me, Antawn, J-Rich, and all the guys get the f*** outta Oakland and head for the sweet spots," beamed Warriors guard Larry Hughes. "Yeah--Mr. (owner Christopher) Cohan books the flights an' hotels for us each January so that we can get the best deals."

     Dancing... clubbing... picking up honies-- it's all par for the course for these perennial hopefuls while in their home away from home.

     "Last night, at the Star Rock disco, I scored a big victory by winning the Best Ass contest," said guard Gilbert Arenas, sipping an apple martini and lounging in Dockers on Bavaro Beach.  "When I walked up into the club, the people was like, Oh Shit, it's the Warriors! And I was like...yeeeeeah, y'all BEST give big-up props to Golden State! We be bling-blingin' all over this town."

     In March of this year, Danny Fortson and Mookie Blaylock decided to get a jump-start on their off-season fun by heading down to Cancun, Mexico for MTV's Spring Break Party.  Together, they participated in TRL's beach-side Celebrity version of 'Fear Factor'.

     "Don't even talk to me about that bucket of dead squid I had to dive into to change my Speedo!," recalls Blaylock, laughing.

     When asked if they have watched any of the NBA playoffs on TV, several of the Warriors players appeared puzzled by the question.

     "Well, I know we own this (Punta Cana) joint, but I don't know what you talkin' about by no 'playoffs'," questioned forward Cedric Henderson.  "Whatever they is, we must be the king of 'em, cuz we be always playin' OFF."  Henderson then went snorkeling with head coach Brian Winters.

     The team said they plan to remain soaking up the sun in the Dominican Republic until Game 1 of the 2002 preseason, right through practice camps.

Willy P. Ondabich has learned that the Warriors brains have secretly been replaced with Jello Pudding.

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