Limo Driver Says Albert Enjoyed Crash



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Issue #46

HAMILTON TOWNSHIP, NJ –  "Marv kept screaming ‘Yes!' throughout the whole thing," notes Hakmed Muhammed, the driver who was escorting Marv Albert and Mike Fratello to their hotel room before their limo struck a broken down delivery truck. In a TwistedFans exclusive, Muhammed has told us that Albert, who suffered bruises and a concussion, was overjoyed at the pain.

"After the initial impact, I heard him screaming from the back ‘Beat me! I've been a naughty boy!' over and over," explains the limo driver. In fact, at one point, Albert allegedly grabbed a broken champagne glass and started pummeling himself and Fratello with it, accounting for the cuts on the former coach's face. 

Then the broadcaster, who once entered a plea of guilty to charges stemming from his biting of a female lover, pulled down his pants, gave Fratello a sharp pen, and screamed "c'mon Mike, sketch out a play on my ass."

"Mr. Fratello wouldn't do it," notes Muhammed, "so Marv began baiting him with taunts like ‘You're no czar' and ‘you can't even telestrate a triangle play!'" The two began struggling, with Albert screaming in joy before one of the passenger doors fell off, sending both men flying out of the car. "It was like watching midget wrestling," observes the limo driver.

The ordeal finally ended when an ambulance arrived on the scene, and EMT's sedated the two diminutive sportscasters.

Butch Rogaine -- Best Damn Sports Writer, Parody!

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