Tuesday, November 25, 2003

What have I done?!?

Yesterday, I signed up for this fantastic cell phone deal.
Today, I transfered my existing cell phone number to my new account. The entire process was completed within 20 minutes and was relatively pain free. In fact, I was assured my number will be transferred to the new account within 24 hours. Satisfied I had beat the system, I thanked the T-Mobile customer service agent and hung up. Only then did I realize my new phone will not arrive for 4 more days....

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Monday, November 24, 2003

Want to keep your cell phone number, but change your provider?

Beginning Nov. 24, consumers in the nation's top 100 markets, about 193 million Americans, will have the right to keep their mobile phone numbers when they change cellular service providers. [NYT]

You also need to consult this list to see if its available in your region of the country....

Additionally, you can get a free Sony Ericsson Phone, plus Free Bluetooth Headset if you join t-moble or att.

Don't say we never did anything for ya

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Mourning Has Left The Building

The latest news out of East Rutherford is Alonzo Mourning has left the NJ Nets due to his kidney disease. The Nets announced his disorder has taken a turn for the worse, he can no longer play basketball, and is in need of a transplant "in the near future".

In light of this, I wonder if K-Mart feels any regret over his "my kidney, my kidney" line?

[Update] Is Anything Out of Bounds When it comes to trash talking? Read the discussion here.

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743 Days Later

I ride again.

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Friday, November 21, 2003

Popular Science explains why Kobayashi is a champion gorger

Why do thin guys always seem to win eating contests?: Professional competitive eating, like soccer, is not as popular in the United States as it is in the rest of the world, where expert gorgers compete for tens of thousands of dollars per tournament. But we are arguably a nation of amateur competitive eaters, 30.5 percent of us obese and the rest on the Atkins diet, everyone striving to eat as many strips of bacon as possible in 15 minutes. We also have an annual nationwide de facto competitive-eating event. You may know it as Thanksgiving.

The strange thing about competitive eating, though, is that the world's undisputed gluttony champion is a flyweight. Takeru Kobayashi hails from Japan and weighs 145 pounds, empty. Earlier this year he won the annual Fourth of July hot-dog-eating competition in Coney Island, New York, by scarfing down 44 hot dogs -- with buns -- in 12 minutes, averaging one every 16.4 seconds. Tragically, he fell short of his record of 50 1/2 set last year. Second place went to the 408-pound Edward Jarvis, who downed 30 1/2 hot dogs in the same amount of time. William "The Refrigerator" Perry, formerly of the Chicago Bears, managed only five.

So how does a man roughly a third the size of Jarvis outeat him by half? Answer, at least in part: The size of the stomach at rest is inconsequential. All that matters is the stomach's ability to expand, to adapt itself to the amount of food being shoved down the esophagus. And as in any other competitive sport, stomach-stretching skills require training.

Kobayashi's regimen includes shrinking his gut by jogging for hours, then distending it by chugging gallons of water. He regularly feasts on giant meals of low-fat, high-fiber foods like cabbage, which stay in the stomach longer before breaking down. (By the way, the world record for cabbage consumption is 6 pounds, 9 ounces, in 9 minutes, held by American Thomas Hardy.) And he keeps trim: A skinny man's stomach has little fat to push against it and fight the food for space.

Perhaps most important, Kobayashi must train his brain. Muscles stretch when they relax, and when we eat a big meal, our stomach muscles relax so much that they send a message to the brain, which interprets the signal to mean a full belly. Then our brain stops us from eating anymore. But a good training regimen deadens this communication, causing "the signal to the brain or the brain itself to become less responsive to the large volume of food," says Douglas Seidner, M.D., program director for clinical nutrition at the Cleveland Clinic. In other words, you can eat yourself numb, or at least deaden your urge to stop.

So when you're sitting down to dinner this Thanksgiving, remember this: When your stomach begins to cry for you to slow down, it's all in your head.

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Can't get enough Michael Jackson jokes?

Of course not! Who can? Here is a link to all of the jokes you'll ever need. I've attached a funny pic too.

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Did you guys hear this story:

Kenyon Martin and Alonzo Mourning almost came to blows in practice yesterday. I can't believe what Kenyon said. I'm still laughing about it.

ZO: "This ain't funny. This is about winning."

RJ: "It's not funny, it's hilarious."

KM: "Get more than one rebound next time so that you won't have to do the extra running in practice."

ZO: "At least I'm out there on the court, not in the training room. I'm trying to make the best of my time. You can't be a leader in the trainer's room, crying, 'My ankle, my ankle.'"

KM: "My kidney, my kidney."

Also: Great Headlines in History
Clippers Waive Wang

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Who's Bad?

With Michael Jackson's mug painted across every TV and newspaper today, I thought I'd take a moment to comment on the case. If the charges are true, I believe Michael is not the only one who should be blamed for the crime.

1. What about the parents?
What more does Wacko have to do before parents stop letting their kids go over to "play with his monkey"? No matter how nice a person may seem, no matter how many zoo animals or amusement rides he has, no child of mine will ever be around, let alone sleeping with, a known suspected child molester.

Now, since this seems so obvious, a small part of me suspects the parent's of intentionally putting their son in harm's way. Although they have stated they are not interested in financial gain, can we be so sure? Maybe they're flat out lying, or maybe they allowed their son to be victimized. I may be wrong, but it's worth considering. And as for this not being about money, would you bet against a civil suit following the criminal case?

2. What about the other parents?
I'm talking about the ones who decided to take an undisclosed settlement 9 years ago instead of pursuing criminal charges against Wacko. By grabbing the cash, they ensured their son's alleged molester would remain free. If we assume Jackson is guilty in both cases, should we hold them accountable? What about their settlement? Should the allegedly molested child be entitled to a cut?

Regardless, if the allegations are true, the greatest blame falls on Michael Jackson. In no way am I trying to take away from his personal responsibility for his actions, but I am implying he may not be the only one at fault.

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Thursday, November 20, 2003

Living shameless in the greatest nation of the world (procrastination)

X-tina x tape not far behind

NSFW: ifilm uncensored trailers

NSFW: What I watched from 10-11 on wednedsday night

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Wednesday, November 19, 2003

WTC Memorial Finalists Revealed

Go here to see the designs. Post your choice in the comments.

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Price Match Satisfaction

People for the Ethical Treatment of Aiken (PETA)

After Clay Aiken told the Rolling Stones he doesn't like cats [editor's note: has he tried them with a nice Chianti?], PETA has threatening to insult him in a national ad campaign with the slogan "Get Neutered, It Didn't Hurt Clay Aiken".

Now, don't get me wrong. I like making fun of Clay Aiken as much as anyone else. What I don't like is a national corporation such as PETA attempting blackmail. According to this Fox News Article, PETA has announced the following demand.
if Aiken will post a message on his Web site urging pet owners to spay or neuter their animals, and give an interview for PETA's Web site, the ad campaign will be modified
Basically, PETA is attempting to force Clay Aiken to be it's spokesperson. If this is their goal, I'm not sure they're going about it the best way. If Clay Aiken does not accept PETA's first offer, what's plan B? Sending Bob Barker to his house with an "offer he can't refuse"? Yeah, that's my guess, too.

However, if Clay does accept the offer, he opens a pandora's box. Everyone who wants him to do something will merely have to threaten a smear campaign. In fact, Twisted Fans will be the first to jump on the bandwagon! And trust me Clay, we can come up with far worse things to call you than neutered. To prevent our vicious smear campaign, Clay (or his fans) must send one million dollars (payable to our amazon account).


"The price is wrong, Bob!" - Happy Gilmore

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Tuesday, November 18, 2003

breaking news

Dallas Cowboys coach Bill Parcells embraces Massachussets Patriots coach Bill Belichick, after the Cowboy's were shutout 12-0 in Foxboro. (AP Photo/Charles Krupa)Mass. Ruling Boosts Same-Sex Marriage: In the nation's most far-reaching decision of its kind, Massachusetts' highest court declared Tuesday that the state constitution guarantees gay couples the right to marry — a ruling celebrated with a popping of champagne corks and the planning of spring weddings.

Luckily for Sox fans this means that legalized polygamy and incest are probably not that far off.

Showed him the damn door: Keyshawn Johnson has been deactivated by the the Bucs for the rest of the season. They will trade him at the end of the season. It sounds like they did simply because Keyshawn is an asshole.

WOW...the MLS got Adu

Police Search Michael Jackson's Ranch: As the raid was under way, Court TV reported that the warrant was tied to allegations brought by a 12-year-old boy.

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Monday, November 17, 2003

Oh we like this site

whatevs.org has Britney, Amanda, Natalie... all the pics we would be posting if our Moms weren't reading our blog.

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Friday, November 14, 2003

And So It Is Written

Make your own church sign here.

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Unbelievable Paris Hilton Photo

Wow!!!! Check out this exclusive Paris Hilton Photo!!!!

Ooh: How to watch Paris Hilton at work.

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More Fun With Coworkers

Previously, K-Cebo posted a link on how to make your coworkers cry. Not to be out done, I've decided to post this little gem:

If your coworker is using Windows 2000, wait for them to leave their pc, then do the following...
  1. Press the "Print Scrn" button on their keyboard.
  2. Open Microsoft Paint (Start->Programs->Accessories->Paint) and press Ctrl+V to paste the image of their screen. When prompted to enlarge the bitmap, click Yes. Next, save the image as C:\WINNT\background.bmp and then close Paint.
  3. Minimize all of their programs, right click on their desktop, and select properties. This will bring up the "Display Properties" window. On the Background tab, click the browse button and locate the image. Once the image is selected as the background, click over to the "Web" tab and click the checkbox labeled "Show Web content on my Active Desktop", then uncheck the box labeled "My Current Home Page". Click "OK" to close the Display Properties window.
  4. Back on the desktop, right click, go to "Active Desktop" and uncheck "Show desktop icons".
  5. Drag the taskbar to the top of the screen, and locate it's bottom edge. Drag the bottom edge up until the taskbar is no longer visible.
  6. Wait for your coworker to return, then laugh at their feable attempts to get their computer to respond.
Not sure what this does? Basically, you are replacing the open programs, taskbar, etc... on their screen with an image of the items. Clicking the image will do nothing, so it will appear as if the pc has frozen. Even rebooting will not undo the problem, as the background will reappear after they log in.

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Thursday, November 13, 2003

The Pledge Of Allegiance

There's been a lot of press regarding the phrase "under God" in the Pledge of Allegiance, yet I doubt most people know the history behind it. Before attempting to discuss the current issue, let's review it's past...

The pledge was originally written in 1892 by the socialist Francis Bellamy, and differed in several aspects from the Pledge as it is known today. Here's the original text:
I pledge allegiance to my Flag and the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with liberty and justice for all.
The first major change to the pledge occurred in 1924, when the National Flag Conference altered the wording to state "the Flag of the United States of America".

The next (and last) major change occurred in 1954. This was the addition of the words "under God" and was authorized by Congress. The campaign for change was led by the Knights of Columbus, who saw America's religious freedom & beliefs as one the great differencies between the U.S. and the athiestic U.S.S.R.

Now we are on a cusp of changing the Pledge again, this time undoing the last modification.

Personally, I do not feel the term 'under God' is a threat to my constitutional rights [although I agree it is constitutionaly illegal]. However, I believe the term should be removed for the same reason it was added. Originally, this term distinguished ourselves from our greatest threat. Today, our greatest threat is no longer the atheistic communist party, but is instead the religious zealotry and uneducated ideology of terrorists. Removing it would help reinforce the idea that America is guided by the belief in equality, justice and liberty, not ancient religious doctrine.

And since we're on the subject of changing the pledge, let's seriously consider adding the word "equality". Francis Bellamy originally wanted to add this term to the pledge, but left it out. The ommission was due to the fact that many opposed equality for women and African Americans.

For those counting at home, the new pledge should read as follows:
I pledge allegiance to the Flag of the United States of America and to the Republic for which it stands, one nation, indivisible, with equality, liberty and justice for all.
.Thanks for reading.
Disagree? That's what the comments are for.

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Wednesday, November 12, 2003

Worth your time

I seem to be in a bit of a rut. Between the wedding planning (did I mention I got engaged?) and the work crisiseses [what is the plural of crisis?], I've been slacking on my posts. Unfortunately for you, I am only half-heartedly attempting to correct the problem.

Yes, I am taking the lazy way out. Instead of putting up even an single unique idea, I decided to be lame and just drop a link. Realizing the readers of this blog demand deserve quality, I unselfishly spent the entire work day searching. Here's my result:

The Sneeze

Living shameless in the greatest nation of the world (procrastination),

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Tuesday, November 11, 2003

Many Men

thought i was absolutely crazy when I drafted Ronald Murray in the fourth round of my fantasy basketball draft, but Murray, who is currently averaging 23.5 on 51% shooting along with 5 rebounds and 4 assists for the Supersonics, hit a buzzer beater jumper over Latrell Sprewell in the Sonics 89-87 win over the Minnesota Timberwolves tonight while accumulating 29 points (on 50% + 92% shooting), 6 boards and 8 dimes. It'll be interesting to see what happens when Allen comes back, but for now I'm happy.

Links du jour

Make Your Co-workers Cry: Two deviously simple tricks you can use to torment your officemates.

Also, I recommend that you check out the Jessica Simpson almost bare breasts gallery and the Victoria Secret Fashion Show gallery provided by Yahoo!

Cool Kobe t-shirts.

Maxim mag photo controversy.

How South Park saved Raiders of the Lost Ark.

Web Surfing Increases Productivity!

Poon also has some great recent stuff.

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Monday, November 10, 2003

Paris Hilton Money Shot

In her infamous and soon to be released home video, (shot on an infrared camera by Rick Solomon) where will Paris Hilton take the "money shot"?
  1. Face
  2. Neck
  3. Chest
  4. Back
  5. Not shown on tape

Vote now!

whereby K-Cebo interjects -- this excerpt from a recent Tony Pierce post is money:
she looks young, she looks skinny, and her boobs look bigger than i would have expected.

and kudos for going down on the guy.

everyone who called her a priss all these years can now only refer to her as a slut.

which she isnt.

shes just loving

and hot

and free

and far too trusting of the man with the big dong

and the nightvision camera.
For those of you looking to download the sex tape, try fleshbot.com.

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Bonzi Wells apologizes -- for whatever it was he did

The following is a transcript of Bonzi Wells' exchange with reporters on Tuesday at the Trail Blazers' practice facility in Tualatin via The Oregonian:

Q: Did you flip off a fan, Bonzi?

A: I don't remember nothing like that, but if I did, I was probably wrong. But I don't remember doing nothing like that. I black out sometimes.

Q: If you did flip off a fan last night, if your memory does come back, would you apologize?

A: Oh, definitely. When my memory comes back, I will. But, you know, I black out and have black flashes sometimes.

Q: Is your memory about ready to come back?

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Friday, November 07, 2003

Abusing Math

Does this chart make any sense to you?

Supposedly, this is a graph depicting the "percentage of abortions performed by week of pregnancy", but this is impossible. Yet if it did depict this, then we must infer 22% of all abortions were performed each of the first 6 weeks, for a grand total of a 132%. Instead, this graph random adds blocks of weeks together. Perhaps the information they gathered was based on these random blocks, but most likely it was done for the purpose of supporting their own cause.

To draw this graph correctly by week, the first 6 should be approximately 4%, week 7 & 8 would stay the same, weeks 9 & 10 would be 10%, weeks 11 & 12 would be 5%, etc...

So what's different, you ask? The graph as depicted attempts to portray the numbers decreasing (with the exception of weeks 7-9) for the highest point at the start of the graph, to the lowest point at the end of the graph. In reality, the numbers should show a low beginning, followed by a peek in week 7 and 8, a decline into weeks 9-12 (yet still higher than weeks 1-6), an average of 1% for weeks 13-20, and then an almost neglible rating for the remainder of the chart.

I know no one cares about this but me, but I have a pet pieve about warping numbers to support a cause. And the really aggravating thing is it wasn't even neccessary. Clearly their is a huge drop off in the rate of abortions after the first trimester. So to highlight this, they merely had to draw the graph by month or trimester, instead of by week.

Ok, back to our regularly scheduled blog....

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Thursday, November 06, 2003

Urban sport of"Parkour"

Check out these videos (yes, they're safe for work).

I'm not certain, but I think "Parkour" is french for "Early Death". Seriously, the local emergency room must know each one these kids on a first name basis.

Many thanks to BoingBoing.net for the link.

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Wednesday, November 05, 2003

Revolutions Opens Today

It's opening day for The Matrix: Revolutions and the critics are raving... just not in a good way...

Atlanta Journal-Constitution, Steve Murray
"Oh well, at least we still have The Return of the King to look forward to..."

Chicago Tribune, Mark Caro
"...if you weren't keen on the direction of Reloaded, you're not likely to do an about-face as Revolutions continues down the same road."

filmcritic.com, Christopher Null
"...the Wachowski brothers have delivered a dud so disappointing, they may as well have bussed in Ewoks to save Zion."

New York Times, A.O. Scott
"There is very little that is tantalizing or suspenseful."

ReelViews, James Berardinelli
"Overlong and underwhelming..."

Rolling Stone, Peter Travers
"At the risk of understatement, The Matrix Revolutions sucks."

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Voice of Reason

It's nice to know that the Middle East has people who feel this way.

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Saturday, November 01, 2003

Why I like Jayhawks Basketball

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Read more in the Archives