Thursday, July 31, 2003

The Day the Big Apple Stood Still
“Are you as excited about Van Horn as I am!?” I said to Bo, the Pakistani man peddling Milky Ways and New York Posts.

He looked at me funny, so I asked again. “Van Horn! Are you excited?”

Bo whispered something to a co-worker, then asked that I leave. I chalked his somewhat negative reaction up to shock—the shock of getting KEITH FRIGGIN’ VAN HORN, KING OF THE BASKETBALL UNIVERSE!
Keith Van Horn arrives by Jeff Pearlman

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TechTV Controversy
JD points out the controversy surrounding Tech TV producer Cat Schwarz and some cropped pics that showed up on her blog.

So I did some sleuthing after reading the article and was able to find the photos (no longer online). Apparently, Cat used the above photos and cropped them to make these photos to post on her blog. However, the mistake she made was that she didn't realize that photoshop generates small preview images for the pictures it produces and hides them in the original image. If you change the image drastically, the preview thumbnail is changed too. But if you don't make a major change, and just crop the photo without changing the file name, the preview thumbnail stays the same. Which means someone can open up the cropped photo in Photoshop, and see a thumbnail version of the original picture.

She also failed to delete this page from her server and so I found a comment with the link to someone else's site who learned about the nude photos early, saved them to his desktop and then generated the original photo previews images and posted them online for all to see.

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When the s.o.s. doesn't work, go here for advanced techniques and inspiration...

Wasserkampf: Auf dem Bild die Australierin Jodie Stuhmcke (R), die mit Karine Hales (L) um den Ball kämpft. Australien besiegte Großbritannien mit 16 zu 2.

KAROLINA KURKOVA: Saw her on A&E awhile back.

I caught a rerun of South Park last night that I never saw before. It was 'Osama Bin Laden Has Farty Pants'. It premiered a few weeks after 9/11. It's a classic episode. Have you guys seen it? The best part, in fact its one of the best bits I've ever seen on South Park, is when they have a wicked homage to Elmer Fudd and Bugs Bunny. Osama is Fudd and Cartmen is Bugs.

Peta's "Nobody Likes an 8 Second Ride" Ad.'s nude and semi-nude pics.

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Ed's Everyday Adventures

Come back next week as Ed meets his new co-workers.

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Real (lousy) TV

(There's nothing good on TV)

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Now I know why no one responds
I've gotten zero responses one response (thanks Jose) to my posts, and I'm already devising tricks to play on my readers. You see, once people start responding regularly (waiting... still waiting...), I'll post something simple like "I like money". Next, after readers respond with comments such as "Me too", "Who doesn't?", etc..., I'll quickly change my post to say "Micheal Jackson likes little boys". Then we can all sit back and have a good laugh!

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Ignorance is bliss
So I was having lunch with a friend of mine, and the topic was his young son. Now, I understand that most new parents constantly worry about their children's health, but apparently it's much, much worse if your wife is a doctor.

Me: So how's the kid?
Friend: He's been having a digestive problem and we've got to take him to a specialist.
Me: That's too bad, but stuff like this happens all the time, I'm sure he'll be fine.
Friend: That's what I thought, but the wife is worried and that gets me worried. After all, she's a doctor, right? Plus, she tells me about all of the possible complications that can develop. Trust me, this is not stuff you want to risk.
Me: Yeah? Have you tried telling him to "walk it off"? You know, it's never too early to start toughening them up.

Clearly I don't have children.

Since we're on the topic, let me share with you...
The Top 10 Signs You've Got The Wrong Doctor

10. Considers use of antibiotics an "experimental procedure"
9. Tight budget prevents acquisition of separate rectal thermometers.
8. Tongue depressors taste faintly of Fudgesicle.
7. Uses recycled bandages.
6. You can get your flu shot as soon as "the" hypodermic needle is dry.
5. Listens to your heart through a paper towel tube.
4. Only proctologist he recommends is "Gus" from Roto-Rooter.
3. Performs only "group" gynecological exams.
2. To avoid a time consuming and expensive throat culture, he just French kisses you.
1. Has preprinted prescription pads that say "Walk it off, you sissy."

(Bastardized from the Top 30 Signs You've Joined a Cheap HMO)

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The readers respond!
Ok, you got me, no one has ever responded to a single post of mine. Not even a single comment. Nada. Nothing. Zip. Maybe I don't have a single reader, who knows. Not that I care. Really.

I guess I need a better marketing campaign. I asked K-Cebo how to go about promoting this site, but he made it sound like work. First, I have to use my site to promote other blogs ("but then how can I 'borrow' their ideas?", I protested), and then I have to hope they promote me in return. I don't even get a guarantee that any of this will pay off.

This clearly does not make me happy. First of all, I'm too lazy to do that, and secondly, well, I'm too lazy to do that. So here's my plan:
I'm going to blackmail other blogs into linking to me. If you know of any blogs that regularly plagiarize (not counting this one), have deep, dark secrets you can reveal (besides this blog), or have some sort of weakness that you can extort (again, not this blog), please let me know.

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Not safe just yet
I have no doubts that my brother and his platoon are safer in Kuwait than they were in Iraq, but that doesn't mean their out of harm's way yet. The Washington Post is reporting that a fire swept through 21 tents at a US Army base in Kuwait. Luckily, injuries were limited to "light cases of smoke inhalation". No word if the fire was considered sabotage or accidental.

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Wednesday, July 30, 2003

More free stuff!
Tired of staying home and watching television on saturday nights? Wish you could be part of television on saturday nights? Well now you can! That's right, it's almost time for the SNL tickets lottery!

According to, here's what you need to do:

"To be entered into the ticket lottery for Saturday Night Live's 2003-2004 season, send an email to [email protected] in the month of August only."

That means, starting this Friday, we each have the chance to be among the lucky winners receiving two tickets for a dress rehearsal or live show. The only thing that I find strange is that the emails do not need (or at least it's not specified that they need) to include your name, phone #, address, etc... Based on this, I assume each individual email address will be counted as a single entry.... which leads to my next big idea!

Owning my own domain and pop server, I have the ability to create as many email accounts as I wish. Now, taking the above rules into account, and with a little bit of simple programming, I can easily automate the creation of numerous email addresses, each of which will submit an entry for SNL tickets. I should have the market for SNL tickets cornered by mid-September!

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Get your free segway, compliments of NYC's finest
"Late last week, the NYPD began deploying 10 Segways ... to areas of heavy pedestrian traffic in Midtown and boardwalk areas such as Coney Island."
-taken from today's NY Post

According to Officer Chintua Alozie, "You park it and go after the criminal". So when a cop needs to go downstairs, leap over obstacles, etc..., he will just leave his $5,000 segway lying there? Even if the top speed is 'only' 12 mph, that's still quick enough to get away from a person on foot.

Yes, I'm sure the segways are equipped with a key or something, but with the Segways weighing roughly 70 lbs, they'll be easy enough to throw into a car or just walk off with. The only real deterrent is the serious beating you'll get if the cop does catch up to you. That and the fact that you'll have the only non-police Segway in the city (making it a bit harder to go unnoticed). Oh, and my strict moral code, of course.

My prediction: The only "police" that will actually use Segway Human Transports will be the trolls that write out parking tickets.

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Google's got me down
So I just had this great idea...

I'll create a blog about blogs, and I'll call it blogology! Pretty clever, right?
What? It's been done? It's been done over 200 times?!?!?

When ever I start to think I might have an original idea, Google does not hesitate to show me just how wrong I am.

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I'm contemplating a name change to
I refuse to button my top button or tighten my tie when at work... now I have a reason not to.

The Sierra Club has a Hummerdinger of an SUV parody. Also, someone else recommended a great name for the SUV/Truck combination: SUck.

Some PETA chick has legally renamed herself [via Sarah Lai Stirland]

PC freaks won't let us hear Sue Bird scream: "Harder, Daddy, harder."

I was listening to my launch station on today and just thought I'd mention that in my opinion "fans of Nirvana" recommend the most horrible songs.

Just want to alert one of our past editors to the fact that Williamsburg is no longer cool.

Find out if the RIAA is after you. [via techlawadvisor]

Pull up the NYT front page. Here it is for my son's day of birth. [via JD Lasica]

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Tuesday, July 29, 2003

Panaramic Web-cams
Panaramics are popping up all over the web. Apparently, they are created by taking a series of photos and then using a computer to merge them into one continuous photo. This is a pretty standard feature on your better digital cameras, although I'm not sure if they offer the 360 degree option. What I want to know is how much processing power is required to accomplish this? Can I set up a series of web-cams and then convert them into a live panaramic? I'd love to be able to watch a live video and have the ability to swivel the camera in any direction. How long until someone sets this up?

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I'm having a hard time believing this isn't a hoax (since it's on the internet, it must be true), but apparently the geniuses in the Pentagon have decided to set up a futures market for terrorism.

Here's the $8 Million system in a nutshell:
"Traders" go online and buy futures in terrorist attacks (assignations, dirty bombs, chemicals, suicide bombers, etc...) for a fraction of a dollar, depending on the likelyhood of it taking place. If the event occurs, the shares go up to $1 each and the futures are sold for a nice little profit. I assume you will also be allowed to buy futures in terrorist attacks not occurring so they system will balance out.

Crazy, right? But the Pentagon provides this explanation:
futures trading had proven effective in predicting other events like oil prices, elections and movie ticket sales.

Now, I hate to be a pessimist, but movie ticket sales & elections are clearly influenced by those taking part in the future markets. This must mean that the Pentagon is truly expecting terrorists to use this system before carrying out an attack...

"The senators also suggested that terrorists could participate because the traders' identities will be unknown."

Now, I believe that terrorists are stupid, but are they really that stupid? Will they attempt to pick up their winnings in person? And even if the system truly was anonymous (and thusly could not be taxed), isn't this the equivalent of betting the US goverment that they can not stop your attack, even if you tell them about it?

Imagine the following scenario:
We have two U.S. cities, let's call them 'City A' and 'City B'. The market is extremely bullish that 'City A' will be attacked within the next month, but there is practically no market for an attack on 'City B'. The Pentagon receives information that both cities are possible targets. The Pentagon bets that 'City A' will not be attacked and that 'City B' will be, and then takes action to prevent 'City A' from being attacked while leaving 'City B' vulnerable. It will then be in position to collect a fortune in the market. Is this insider trading? Of course, we all know that the Pentagon always has the citizen's interests as it's top priority, so this is completely hypothetical...

Also, just noticed that Doc has a great post on this as well.

UPDATE: After reading my insightful post, the Pentagon has terminated the project. This should be taken as proof that the echelon of the U.S. Government is monitoring this blog closely.

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[note: to fully appreciate this post, you must first spend time here]

Returning home late from work, I find an evil email from K-Cebo. This email is so evil, it robbed me of all sanity and stole precious hours of badly needed sleep. What could possibly do this to me? It was nothing more than the highly addictive game of Fishy...

It started out innocent enough, I was just a small fry trying to survive. But before long, my addictive quest for power kicked in and I was consumed (pun intended) with eating as many smaller fish as possible. Once I cleared the 8,000 point mark, I was obsessed with becoming the largest fish possible. Soon, I hit 10,000 points, and I was no longer the hunted. Instead, I had transformed into something similiar to an over-fed gold-fish exposed to gamma-rays. Next came the 15,000 point mark. I couldn't stop my feeding frenzy, and my appetite could not be satisfied. The points flew by, 20,000.... 30,000.... I was in the Fishy zone.

But, my power was fleeting. I left no fry to grow, instead gorging myself in my quest to achieve my true potential. Before I know it, I had consumed all the fish in the ocean.

(Somewhere in there is a message...)

My only regret is that I never got the chance to eat any swimmers....

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Monday, July 28, 2003

The New New York Times.

Foxtrot on the Music Industry.

TSG's effing Legal Doc of 2003.

VH1's stupid 200 Greatest Pop Culture Icons list -- #1 is the dumbest.

Courtney Love on the Osbourne's: "Did you know I'm the only person who makes money off the internet." Yeah, you and AG.

Crazy pics of Britney Spears in W magazine.

I've seen two episodes of Snoop Dogg Telefizzle or whatever the hellefizzle it's called. Funny. Snoop really works hard to put together a good show.

HA! "Regulators approved use of a growth hormone for boosting the height of children who are short but in good health." Someone has an agenda. Probably not enough american whites in the NBA for them.

Dateline Hollywood is described as "a satire of Hollywood and entertainment journalism -- think The Onion meets Daily Variety, Entertainment Weekly, and Entertainment Tonight." I think we should abandon parody and satire and just call everything Onionesque.

Bill Carter (NYT discussing Paris Hilton's new show) writes that some ambitious producers have discovered a new twist that they hope will inject freshness into the genre: the reality show as sitcom.

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Popped Smoke
Here's the latest from my brother:

"...I am in Kuwait at the moment. We flew out of Baghdad Airport late yesterday and into Al Jobar which is a military airfield south of Kuwait City. So this soldier and his men are out of the fight... We are scheduled to fly August 5th so we should be home by August 7th...."

Even if you don't know my brother or I, here's a reason to care. Once he's back in CONUS and relaxing, maybe Captain Pete will submit a few first hand accounts of the war. Or perhaps the disposable cameras I sent him got through the notoriously slow postal system.

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Sunday, July 27, 2003

Why aren't you outside?
Go ahead, sit in front of your computer and waste another day playing addicting games.

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A saturday to remember
Ok, I dislike the blogs that ramble on about the author's personal life, but yesterday deserves to be mentioned!

First, I had the amazing experience of kayaking with a school (or is it a pod?) of dolphins off of New Jersey, and then I come home and find an email from my brother that says this:

"...We have been relieved of our current mission and we are prepping to go home. We are scheduled to be out of Iraq by August 1st and we should be back home by August 7th..."

For those of you who do not know, my brother is a Captain in the U.S. Army and is stationed in Iraq.

Ok, back to the blog!

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Saturday, July 26, 2003

Gotta love this
Anna Kournikova has agreed to settle her lawsuit with Penthouse over topless photos that she claims were not of her. This comes just weeks after she appeared topless in Maxim. [Skin mag settles with Russian tennis beauty]

Update: Anna to retire!

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Boro6 on 'raising kids in NYC'
Raising children in Manhattan is essentially identical to keeping rat terriers - you walk them someplace in the morning, walk them someplace else after work, and feed them once or twice a day. The only differences are that children poop inside, most of the time, and cost $15,000 - $30,000 a year to keep, each. [Boro6]

The sad thing is it's true.

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Blogger Blog of Note
I'm wondering if Ev and the Bloogle guys saw this and said "Wow -- that's truly a blog of note!"

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Friday, July 25, 2003

We've all been there
Taken from Things that don't actually suck on the web

So, the story goes that co-worker A got sick of co-worker B's constant profanity whilst playing Counter Strike. Co-worker A then hid a microphone next to co-worker B's desk, and captured this stream of rantings. Then, as co-worker A was a member of an electronic music-making concern, he endeavored to edit it all together. The end result was this!

(Music clip - Definitely NSFW)

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Bush's 16 Words
Apparently, there is a lot of fuss over President Bush's "16 Words". What 16 words? I'm not positive, but maybe it was one of these:

"A surplus means there will be money left over. Otherwise, it wouldn't be called a surplus."
- Kalamazoo, MI 10/27/2000

"I mean, there needs to be a wholesale effort against racial profiling, which is illiterate children."
- Second presidential debate, Oct. 11, 2000

"We cannot let terriers (terriers?) and rogue nations hold this nation hostile or hold our allies hostile.''
- 09/09/00 (ed. note: don't laugh, I was once chased by a vicious terrier. It's about time we use this nation's resources to prevent it happening again)

"I hope we get to the bottom of the answer. It's what I'm interested to know."
- On what happened in negotiations between the Justice Department and Elián González's Miami relatives, as quoted by the Associated Press, April 26, 2000

"I am mindful not only of preserving executive powers for myself, but for predecessors as well."
- Washington, D.C., Jan. 29, 2001

Clearly there is nothing to justify the media's blatant over-reaction!

more fun quotes can be found here!

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Lots of people pay $36/sq foot for their house... just not every year
According to this, New York is the most expensive city to live.

You mean to tell me there are places where it doesn't cost $5 for a pint of ice cream? What about a pack of cigarettes (how can people afford to smoke?) for the low cost of $8, surely that's a bargain? No, you say? Sorry, I just don't believe it.

As a conscientious, polite New Yorker (is there any other kind?), I feel it is my duty to point out the following changes:
- The movie theater by my apartment charges $10, not $9 for a ticket.
- Monthly metrocards now cost $70
- $1,000/month apartments do not exist. They are an urban legend.
- Apartments rarely (and by rarely, I mean never) come with free parking. Parking costs $400/month (unless you need 24 hour access to your car, then it's more).
- The grocery store down the block charges $6.99 a pound for chicken. Sure, it's "gourmet, organic, free-range", but $7/lb is a bit high, no?

Come on NY, say it with me, "We're #1! We're #1!".

... and, just like in baseball, Boston finished in 2nd place.

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Give until it hurts... from laughing!
So I notice this page has an Amazon "Click to Give" ad on it (It's right there ->). Since this actually goes to K-Cebo, I've come up with this fun practical joke...

After clicking the ad, noticed you have 30 days to request a refund, no questions asked. So here is my brilliant idea:

1. Everyone who reads this (all 3 of you) and all of your friends (both of em) give as much as you can to K-Cebo's "Click to Give" Account.

2. K-Cebo will then think he has gotten amazingly rich (tens of dollars, at least) and will go make massive purchases on his credit cards, secure in the knowledge that his Amazon account will cover any and all costs he incurs.

3. After 29 days, we each request a full refund, depleting K-Cebo of his fortunes and saddling him with massive credit-card debt. Hilarity ensues!

note: This is stops being funny if the account is ever switched to my name, unless, of course, you are a very rich, very forgetful person.

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Don't do it!
Do NOT click this link!!!

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William Shatner, this is for you!
If only my name was Bill, I would finally have found my theme song (this is loud, use head phones if you're at work).

Catchy, isn't it? Alas, my name is not bill, but for those of you lucky enough to be named bill, enjoy.

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Does this mean I have to vote republican?
I've been considering becoming an all-powerful, evil corporate empire (or at least a single-entity LLC). After a little research, it seems like a brilliant idea. Personal responsibility has been holding me back for way too long now.

As an incentive, they'll throw in a 'Corporate Tickler'. This seems to be popular in the do-it-yourself corporate kits, but no one explains what it is. Maybe it helps you laugh as you crush the dreams of the average man.

My first order of business will be to create a cash-generating scam... uh... I mean business plan.

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Thursday, July 24, 2003

I was supporting Kobe...
but now he can rot in jail. By buying a $4 million dollar diamond ring he just raised the bar for every man that cheats on his wife going forward.

Update: Ray Ratto of has a lengthy piece on this subject.

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Hulk Smash!
You won't like Tyson when he's angry...

The tape captures Tyson knocking one of the men into a reception stand, punching the other, pausing to take off his coat, then resuming the attack, authorities said. At one point, he chases one of the men around the check-in desk and continues the assault.

Someone please tell me that video will be available through the freedom of information act!

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Wednesday, July 23, 2003

Another injustice in the world!
A small town in Spain has instituted a curfew for men on thursday nights to encourage them to stay home and "do the chores".

Don't worry, this problem has already been solved, by Mike Stanton and Roy Scott, Jr.

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Monday, July 21, 2003

Only I should waste my time
I belong to a few email groups, where any member can send an email out to the entire group just by sending an email to a specific address. Overall, a great way to keep in touch and share ideas. However, for every decent email I get, I recieve at least 5 that say one the following (and nothing else):

I agree!
Good idea!
You're a moron

The time I lose by opening these emails and instantly deleting them is starting to add up. Trust me, there are much better ways for me to procrastinate from doing actual work (I'm practically an expert). If you want to waste your time writing things that no one else wants to read, get a blog.

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Driver's Ed
On the subject of tests....

The big debate this week is whether the elderly should be re-tested to maintain their driving licenses. Maybe it's just me, but it seemed as my driving test was focused on driving slowly and deliberately. Don't go too fast, remember to turn your wheel when parking on a hill, yada yada yada. All things that will trip up a 16 year old, but exactly what the elderly excel at!

Here's my suggestion: We should put everyone, every 4 years, behind a driving simulation machine (a.k.a video game) were we can test not only their knowledge of driving, but also their reaction time. We have the technology, and it would make our roads alot safer.

Can't maintain speed on an interstate? Failed to notice the stop sign? Can't stop quickly when little Jimmy runs out in front of your car? Failed to stay in your lane? Then you fail, and we take your license away. Feel free to come back and retest as often as you like (Don't forget your quarters).

Better yet, let's make these things mobile. Then, when a cop pulls someone over for driving recklessly, we can administer a quick reactions test. Fail, and you're not driving home. This will help remove tired/slow/distracted drivers from our roadways.

Note to DMV: don't forget to make manual and automatic transmission versions.

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Programmer? Please fill out this application
I am amazed by the strangeness in the world of programmers. For one, regardless of how many degrees, certifications, or years of experience someone has, it is still deemed acceptable to give them a thorough technical exam before hiring them (in addition to multiple interviews).

Although they serve a purpose, they lack consistency and are often insulting to the applicant by being either too focused on today's latest and greatest technology (Tell me how you would port our software to a 3G phone) or by being overly simple (How do you connect to a database?). More often then not, the interviewee is tested in technical areas he will not use in the job, just to see how expansive his knowledge is. However, one thing most fail to test is the person's problem solving and intelligence. This leads to the common mistake of hiring idiots who had the forsight to study the correct material before-hand.

I've been on both sides of oral and written examinations, and I always find myself wondering the same question:
What if all industries were like this?

We can ask doctors to describe the symptoms of endemic Typhus before switching hospitals.

Stock Broker? Great! Let's review some series 7 questions every time you change boiler rooms!

Accountant? Perhaps you'd like to detail the NY tax-deductions for low-emissions vehicles before we bring you in as our corporate CPA....

I can never figure out if this would be a good idea or a bad idea...

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The dogs of war
Although I do not know if Kobe is guilty or innocent, the safe money is on the acquittal. Besides having an extremely polished public image and his wife standing by in support, he's got the luxury of hiring the greatest defense lawyers available. And when the sharks start circling, it can get ugly...

Less than a week after the charges were brought against him, there are reports that the victim was suicidal, mentally distraught over the death of her friend, and angry at men because her high-school sweetheart had "taken up with another woman".

Whether the allegations against Kobe were another "cry for help" or the reporting of an actual crime, the victim's life is going to get alot tougher until this is settled.

Update: Bozack weighs in: People like Eric Neel who write that "The Kobe Bryant we knew could do no wrong. But now we'll have to look in another direction for someone to embody our idea of goodness and purity, someone new like LeBron James" need to stop making fvcking athletes role models and start opening your eyes to reality that THEY JUST PLAY SPORTS.

K-Cebo says: LeBron is struggling. Plus, who the fvck looks for someone to embody goodness and purity?

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Lawmakers and Women's Groups up in arms over Bambi Hunt
via Yahoo! news.

Also, here's a related article in the The New Yorker. Pity the poor hotties.

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Sunday, July 20, 2003

The bridge that almost killed my father
Not exactly. The Bridge didn't attack him nor did he get into an accident on it, rather it was the fact that he was working the graveyard on it.

Check out Boro6's post Big Iron about the Wittpenn Bridge.

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Friday, July 18, 2003

There may be hope after all
Every now and then, when I start to believe the entire human race (present company excluded, of course) is completely manipulated by marketing, someone steps up and makes me smile.

This time it's Jenny Everett, in Popular Science magazine, taking on Docker's nanotechnology.

Thanks Jenny!

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All bottled up inside
So I've been thinking about signing up to be an organ donor, when I began to ponder this ethical question:

Is not being an organ donor morally equivalent to murder?

I'm inclined to argue it is. Here's my logic....

Everyday, 16 people die waiting for an organ donation before they become available. Morally, if you can save someone's life and choose not to, is that any better than killing the person directly? Before I judge too hastily, you are not technically a murderer until you yourself die (you can't donate the old ticker while you're still using it). But it's still not exactly the last impression you want to make, just in case there's a higher power floating around out there.

On the other hand, since you are capable of donating more than one organ, you possible can save multiple lives. This should at least make up for one or two murders during your lifetime, especially if they had it coming.

Just a lonely voice pondering the ethics others chose to ignore...

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What he said....
I realize you can't just go around killing people, I get that. I understand why this is a good idea for a society, you can't just have people getting killed all day long. For one thing, Texas would lose that little zing that makes it so special. However, I'm certain that outlawing it to the degree which we have causes problems. The fact that most people believe they're relatively safe from being murdered creates a lot of flabby, self-indulgent behavior.

I think everybody should get one. You get one lifetime murder where you only have to pay a small fine.

You think you'd see stuff like the Hilton Twins or fucking American Idol ring tones in that kind of a society? Of course not. No shitty drivers, everyone shuts up during the movie, and the funereal industry would re-float he economy in about a week.

One Man, One Murder. Think it over.

Call it the Small Yappy Dog Amendment.[dong resin]

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Your chance to join a mob!
Ummm... yeah... so there's going to be another Mob in manhattan! Don't miss your chance to run across town for no apparent reason! Here are your instructions:

MOB #6
You are invited to take part in MOB, the project that
creates an inexplicable mob of people in New York City
for ten minutes or less. Please forward this to other
people you know who might like to join.

Start time: Wednsday, July 23rd, 7 pm
Duration: 10 minutes or less

(1) At some point during the day on July 23rd,
synchronize your watch to one of these clocks:
clock 1
clock 2

(2) By 6:55 PM, go to Harvest Brewery located in NYC's SeaPort.
Order a drink. Act casual.

(3) Order a drink and send it to me. Preferrably a draft IPA or a margarita (rocks, no salt).

(4) Tell your hot female friends to go talk to me.

(5) Return to what you otherwise would have been
doing, and await instructions for MOB #7.

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Marketing 101
Ok, so you've all heard about 10-minute mobs, right?

Here's part of the instructions for the latest one:

(2) By 6:55 PM, based on the month of your birth,
please situate yourselves in the bars below. Buy a
drink and act casual.
(...Goes on to list 4 bars in Upper Manhattan)

Now, not to be a cynic, but I'm starting to understand the purpose of these mobs. You see, the mob creator is just one slick marketing guy. Here's how I imagine his sales pitch goes:

Mob creator to Bar owner: "Look, to show how impressive my advertising campaigns are, I'll have your bar packed next thursday at 7 pm, free of charge. If you like the type of business I can generate, you can then sign a contract were I'll advertise your bar for you for the low monthly price of $1000!"

After a few more mobs, he'll have contracts worth millions! And I always thought mob creators were just angry college kids....

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Thursday, July 17, 2003

Can't help posting
gratuitous pics of Kobe and Serena at last night's ESPY awards.

Also, Jenna J. outtakes.

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Wednesday, July 16, 2003

My Defense Strategy
Now that the ERC (evil record companies) have threatened to sue every person, alien, or pet trading music, I feel it is my duty to publicly provide my strategy of defense:

When the ERC comes after me, I will truthfully (just in case the ERC is reading this) claim that it wasn't me who was trading music. Let me explain how this could be...

I have a wireless router configured on my network, set up without a password. This allows anyone within 1000 ft of my apartment to 'piggy-back' off of my dsl. In essence, I am operating as a free ISP. Logically (yes, logic rarely stands up in court) I should be no more responsible for the users on my network then Verizon is responsible for my actions on their network. As far as I know, P2P software tracks user IP addresses, but not MAC addresses. Someone me this if it is wrong.

Now, if someone wants to use this strategy, I provide the standard disclaimer that I am neither a Lawyer nor a networking guru, so use at your own discretion and only for entertainment purposes, yada, yada, yada.

Don't forget... files deleted are not permanently removed from your hard drive. If you need to destroy a file completely, over write the file using software such as pgp's wipe utility.

If this doesn't work, switch to plan B!

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Saturday, July 12, 2003

Garbage Pail Kids set to return
After being off the market for 15 years, a new series of the hugely successful stickers that entertained children in the mid-1980s with depictions of bodily functions will be released in August by The Topps Co. Cool!

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Friday, July 11, 2003

Kidd is staying
Unless Mourning knows Kidd is staying, I doubt he'd come to NJ. If Mourning can stay healthy, they will definitely be back in the finals. | yahoo

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Marriage may tame genius
Creative genius and crime express themselves early in men but both are turned off almost like a tap if a man gets married and has children, a study says. | ABCnews

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Wednesday, July 09, 2003

Imagine the world how it was in 1984.... now imagine jumping directly to 2003. That's what it must be like for this guy

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Earning street cred the hard way
"I've heard it said, 'Kobe doesn't have any street cred' and that's why my shoes won't sell," Bryant told ESPN The Magazine's Ric Bucher. "I don't think that's the real perception on the street. I went to Rucker Park and it was all love. Basketball heads know basketball." [Earning street cred the hard way]

Truth is AI sells the most shoes and Kobe is somewhere around 28.

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Thursday, July 03, 2003

Useless Lifeforms
"[Apartment] Brokers are filthy, filthy animals. In fact, if there were a broker in my apartment, I'd put out traps and poison. And none of that Have-a-heart shit. I'd get the kind that breaks the necks or sticky mats laced with gonorrhea. So they'll have burning, flesh-eating rashes and won't be able to scratch them because their chest hair and 40% gold chains are glued to my cheap-ass linoleum floor. Brokers give rats a bad name. And in NY, I think brokers outnumber rats 2 to 1."
Stereolabrat on housing brokers in NYC

For those of you who do not live in NYC, here's how it works: Slumlords own 90% of the available apartments for rent in NYC, primarily 5th floor walk-ups built around 1940. Slumlord's, being too lazy to do any actual work, get their slumbroker friends to show the apartment to potential renters. If it's a half-decent apartment, it will be off the market in less than a day. For this grueling 10 minutes of work, slumbrokers extort 15-18% of the yearly rent from the tenant. Since the average 2 Bedroom in NYC costs ~$2,700, slumbrokers make over 5 grand for basically unlocking the door.

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Wednesday, July 02, 2003

Bush dares foes to attack US troops
Way to support our troops, big guy...

President George W. Bush vowed that strikes on US-led forces in Iraq would not lead the United States to "leave prematurely" and defiantly challenged any foes in the war-torn nation to attack US troops.

"There are some who feel like that, you know, the conditions are such that they can attack us there. My answer is, bring'em on!"

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