Thursday, October 30, 2003

Tell Me It's a Typo

You may remember me venting my dislike of UPS. You may even have felt I was a bit unfair. For those of you who do not agree that UPS is an utterly inept service (at least for the receivers point of view), I offer exhibit A...

Although I have a deep personal hatred of UPS and request USPS whenever possible, the choice was not given during a recent purchase. Since the item is rather unique, I have little choice but to accept my fate and play UPS Russian roulette again.

Yesterday, the first UPS InfoNotice arrived. Following the instructions, I logged on to their website and requested my package be held at the not-so-conveniently located warehouse. Strangely, even though the package was clearly in the general vicinity, I was informed that it would not be available for pickup until Friday.

Today, I logged on and checked the status of my package. Here's what the website said:
Date Time Location Activity
Oct 29, 2003 11:03 A.M. NEW YORK, NY, US RECEIVER NOT IN ON 1ST
Oct 29, 2003 10:02 P.M. NEW YORK, NY, US DEPARTURE SCAN
Oct 29, 2003 10:27 P.M. NEWARK, NJ, US ARRIVAL SCAN
Oct 29, 2003 10:51 P.M. NEWARK, NJ, US DEPARTURE SCAN
Oct 30, 2003 5:48 A.M. NEWARK, NJ, US ARRIVAL SCAN

Ah, another mystery solved. The reason for delay was that UPS decided to ship my package from Newark to Louisville and then back again. Of course! It all seems so simple now, I'm surprised I didn't realize this when I first saw the delay. Did I mention I absolutely, positively need to have this package by Friday evening?

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Wednesday, October 29, 2003

Funny thing I heard on the radio

Don Imus: "Shaq is very close to saying "Well, at least I don't have to r@pe a girl in order to have sex."

See also: Globe boss denounced after letting photo of alleged victim appear on cover [via SFM]

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  • Fleshbot *

  • High Noon at the clock in Grand Central

  • Vote for your Hometown Hottie!

  • The L.I. Rapper

  • Forbes has the Inside Dope

  • Man Drops Mobile in Train Toilet, Jams Arm

  • Guardian ranks the 40 greatest US bands today

  • Catholic School Girls Pummel Man Who Exposed Himself

  • Also, Crash has apparently made some enemies on the net with his postings. [Link]

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Monday, October 27, 2003

Ranking the Joe Millionaire Girls

Anique is an Anna Kournikova doppleganger. In this photo Anna arrives at the GQ 'Men of the Year' Awards in New York on October 21, 2003. REUTERS/Albert FerreiraAnique

Rank em

11/11/03 Update: Not bad -- we have 3 of our top 4 still in the running... stay tuned.

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you take your non work seriously, don't you?

  • Every Playboy Centerfold

  • Imitation of Life: Eminem is a Genius

  • Johnny Rotten disses punk box set

  • Students develop file swapping alternative

  • This is fucked up

  • The Damaging Portrayal of Women in Advertising

  • There's a Sucker Born in Every Medial Prefrontal Cortex

  • a weblog about women and technology

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Blindfolded by Black Bars

When it came to purchasing DVD's, I was a firm believer in the "widescreen" format. This belief was based on the fact idea that "widescreen" displays the film in it's original format. This was not my theory, but after hearing it countless times, I was brainwashed into believing it. As this article points out, even top film directors were deceived [or were they just part of this sinister joke?]:
A widescreen movie can be shot in a number of ratios; 2.35 is one of the more popular ones. That means the movie is 2.35 times wider than it is tall to produce a panoramic view.

Televisions use a 1.33 aspect ratio, which means the film should be 1.33 times wider than it is tall.

A process called pan and scan, which concentrates on a particular scene by cropping out some portions and blowing up what's left, is used to make many movies fill the TV screen. The result may look good on the screen, but up to 46 percent of the movie is lost.

"You're not really seeing the movie," director Martin Scorsese said in a published interview. And he's correct.
However, I can only be fooled for so long, and the film industry's time has run out. From this day forward, I will no longer be duped into believing my "Widescreen" version is superior to the full screen, no matter who attempts to tell me differently. Yes, I admit I've spent years watching movies with black lines draped across my screen. I've even attempted to convince myself that I didn't mind. Yet now I know the black bars of deception are simply a sinister trick on the part of Hollywood executives.

You are not expected to take my word for it. In fact, it's better that you remain skeptical and search out the truth with your own eyes. I will merely show you the way to the truth, it will be up to you to accept it.

If you're willing to break free from the lies, find yourself a copy of "Ocean's 11" in widescreen format. Next, either wait for it to be shown on cable (50/50 chance it's on right now) and play both simultaneously. What you will notice is the "full-screen" format is just that, the movie displayed across your entire television screen. So far so good.

Next, flip to the supposedly widescreen format. If you look closely, you will realize you do not gain an additional film on either side of what was displayed in the full-screen version. Instead, the film is cropped yet again, normally from the bottom. So instead of seeing the film as the director intended, you're really seeing a cropped version of an already cropped version. Yes, the so-called "widescreen" version is just the "full-screen" version with black lines attached.

I have yet to test this with other films, but I doubt "Ocean's 11" is unique in this regard. Somehow I feel as if my TV has lied to me.

[UPDATE: After a bit of research, I've found a viable explanation of my observations. Although most likely just another clever ruse by the film industry, says there is a film/camera lens format that some directors use (including James Cameron), called Super 35. To me, it appears as if Super 35 films are developed in a full-screen version, and then cropped to fit letterbox. It goes on to say:
director James Cameron has gone on record as saying that he actually prefers the full frame versions of several of his movies.
If this is true, and it most likely is, then my rant above can be ignored.

So, to make a long post short, today's lesson is that most, but not all films should be purchased in wide-screen. On the downside, this will make ordering films more difficult, but (and more importantly) it means TV didn't lie. Finally, if anyone knows a website listing the format films were shot in, please post it in the comments.]
Thanks for reading,

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Sunday, October 26, 2003

Why the Marlins won the series

A streaker runs across the field after the seventh inning in Game 5 of the World Series in Miami October 23, 2003. REUTERS/Mike Blake

Maybe now the Yanks will finally go after some young pitching instead of all the crap they've been pursuing like Boone, Sierra, and Mondesi to name but a few.

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Friday, October 24, 2003

Lightning Strikes Twice

According to this CNN article, God has attempted to strike down the cast and crew of Mel Gibson's film, "The Passion of Christ", not once, but twice. In an exclusive interview, a senior Heaven official has told TwistedFans that Jesus is "visibly upset" over Director Mel Gibson's failure to deliver on his promise of casting Brad Pitt as the lead actor.

In the first strike of what has been called "Shock and Awe II", witnesses reported that the "heaven's opened up" and a relatively small burst of lightning hit Assistant Director Jan Michelini. After Gibson ignored the first warning, a second blast, this one much larger in size, was delivered to both lead actor Jim Caviezel and Jan Michelini (struck for the second time). Later, St. Peter, Heaven's Secretary of Defense, announced that all steps are being taken to minimize civilian casualties. However, if Gibson continues to ignore the wishes of his higher power, Heaven will have little recourse and will "send a plague upon all of mankind".

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Thursday, October 23, 2003

Webster, Cornering the Amazon Search Market

Check out today. They have a message up saying:
Starting today, you can find books at based on every work inside them!
I bet "Webster's Unabridged Dictionary" is going to be a popular search result...

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iTune Music Parlor?

After reading Ape Infinitum's post regarding the Apple's Music store, I started thinking. If what Ape Infinitum says is correct, then the Ipod Music Store is not a store at all. After all, stores sell products, and, Ipod seems to be selling a service, not a product. Ape Infiitum argues that if they really were selling you the music, you would have the right to modify the format, play it on as many computers as you like, and resell it when you're done with it. Perhaps Apple should consider changing the name to the iTune Music Parlor? Or how about the iTune Music Theater? Maybe iTune Music Rentals?

Still, perhaps he was leaving something out. For the sake of our readers, I performed extensive research into this issue [read: I checked out the website]. What I found out was that you're welcome to burn CD's of your music. Now, if "You can play your music CDs in your car and on most home stereo systems", clearly there is no encryption on it. Therefor, you can then convert it into any format you like, lend it out, back it up, etc... In fact, it appears the only thing you can't do is resell it. So, as long as the price is discounted from the cost of an actual CD, this isn't high on my "Greatest evils of the world" list.

In fact, the people who probably loathe this system the most is the music industry. Sure, they have to allow it for now, but secretly they harbor hopes that new technology will bail out their business. Forget about giving out CD's. The music industry doesn't even like people listening to your music! Yes, someday, it will be illegal for anyone else to listen with you! You see, eventually the music industry will no longer pretend they are selling music and will admit they only intend to sell "private concerts". Anyone who wishes to attend a "private concert" will need their own ticket/license, regardless if the venue is in your residence. Call me crazy if you must, but remember, that's what they said about Hannibal Lector.

Next, I attempted to read the ITunes license agreement. Here's what I like the best:
4. Termination. This License is effective until terminated. Your rights under this License will terminate automatically without notice from Apple if you fail to comply with any term(s) of this License. Upon the termination of this License, you shall cease all use of the Apple Software and destroy all copies, full or partial, of the Apple Software.

Got that? Apple can terminate your license without telling you, and you're suppose to destroy your copy of the music and software. How you'll know it's time to destroy it is beyond me, but just to be safe, destroy your computer every six months or so (I know, I know, windows already does this.)

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Tuesday, October 21, 2003

Trying to find

pictures of Fox News Reporter anne craig and the model/athlete featured on ESPN's Outside the Lines this past weekend. EMAIL

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Monday, October 20, 2003

NBA Fantasy Preview 2003-2004

With the NBA Season about to kick off it's time for TwistedFans annual NBA Fantasy preview. The notes below will be updated over the next several days until every team is covered.

You'll find predictions for statistics as well as draft position (12 team leagues). Also, here's an article from a few seasons ago that offers tips and advice for conducting your NBA fantasy draft:
How to Succeed in Fantasy Basketball... without really trying.


Cleveland Cavaliers

Ricky Davis (5th round selection) will lose p/r/a from LeBron but will still put up nice numbers. (16, 3, 3) Expect Odom-esque number from Lebron: 15 ppg and either a high number of rebs or assists per game. (15, 7, 5, 2)Keep in mind that you probably have no chance to get Lebron if you wait past the third round. Expect Darius Miles (10th) to feed off James, inconsistent but a good late rounder. (12, 5, 1) Boozer (8th) was good for 10 and 8 last season and shoots a top 5 fg %. Finally, Z (4th - if he stays healthy) should put up good but slower lower numbers than last year -- you can expect 15 and 7 every night. Despite the low numbers of wins they put up each year the Cavs roster has produced solid fantasy numbers over the last couple years.

Chicago Bulls

Not a consistent producer among them. Jalen's production (2003: 22/4/4) will slide with the addition of Pippen. You'll still need to grab Rose by the early 4th though. Donyell (6th), Currie (5th)and Baxter will all be hitting the boards but that might be it. Jamal Crawford's upside might be worth an early round pick (4th) -- don't expect his preseason numbers (20/5/10) to hold up when Pippen and Rose are healthy.

Milwaukee Bucks

Expect Michael Redd (19-4-2; 5th round) and Desmond Mason (17-7-3; 7th) to increase their production from last year if they can remain consistent.

Boston Celtics

Expect Paul Pierce's stock to rise (top 5 pick) with the trade of Antoine Walker (downgraded to late 3rd) to Dallas.


LA Lakers

Prop bet: over/under 60 wins -- we'll take the under.

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Dan Le Batard's Open Look

Great article (not available online) in ESPN the Mag discussing, not defending Limbaugh, and the "culture of hypersensitivity we've created around our games." Dan Le Batard:
We've created a suffocating climate in which the white man can't say the same things as a man of color can, a climate in which the white man is given just enough mike cord with which to hang himself."

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Terrorist Arrested!

Whoops! That's just crazy ass David Blaine coming out of his closet box after starving himself for 44 days. David, nobody cares!

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Saturday, October 18, 2003

Anna at the MTV Video Music Awards

click here [via apechild]

Even better --- Jelena in action.

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Many months ago...

I wrote a sorta scathing review of Gregg Easterbrook's Tuesday Morning Quarterback and wondered why the hell ESPN was adding such crap to its Page 2.

Now, RiShawn Biddle's The Usual Suspect reports (via Instapundit -- who links to ridiculous GE supporters so don't go there) that Easterbrook has been canned from ESPN for violating both the "First Rule of Business: Don't say insulting things of any kind about your boss [and the] First Rule of Media: Don't say anything remotely anti-Semitic ... when he wrote his scathing review of Quentin Tarantino's ode to blood and gore, Kill Bill and then turned his ammo on flailing Disney overlord Michael Eisner for letting his Miramax division release it for public consumption--and for being Jewish too."

Good riddance.

Also, as soon as I can remember my password I'll add rishawnbiddle to the blogroll -- wonderful stuff.

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NBC Blows

Charlie McCollum reports that the "compelling, innovative cop drama was abruptly pulled from last Friday's schedule and isn't on the schedule for this Friday or Oct. 24. NBC says the series has not been canceled and is merely on ``hiatus.'' But hiatus usually translates to ``the dreaded place where good shows go to die.''"

Definitely the best drama on TV. NBC can expect that I won't be watching a single advert on their channel ever again if they don't put this show back on the air.

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World Series Wager

The mayors of New York and Miami are wagering food on the outcome of the World Series.

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Friday, October 17, 2003

It makes me so happy to read this:

"For several minutes, no one moved, not a sound was uttered, except for a few grown men unsuccessfully fighting back tears. Pedro Martnez, who fell apart in the eighth inning and probably stayed in the game too long, slumped in his chair in front of his locker, his head slumped in his hands. John Henry, the principal owner, went from player to player, issuing a comforting and paternal pat on the back. It was not the locker room of a beaten team, it was a wake." [NYTimes]

Also, check out: NY Post Editorial Says Yankees Lost and Smoking Gun has scanned a copy of the article here.

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Thursday, October 16, 2003

It's Just A TV Show, People

The "Star Trek" geek is beyond all doubts the geek of the geeks. They vastly eclipse the "student" geek, who will undoubtedly end up rich with a trophy wife on his arm. They go past the "computer" geek, who knows he must hide in his lab or face scorn and ridicule from women. Sometimes it even appears the "star trek" geek geekiness has no limits. After all, it's one thing to keep models of the star trek ship in your apartment, but it's taking things too far when you model your apartment as the ship!

[Thanks to "Alas, a Blog" for the link. Side note: If the apartment does sell for $2 million, you can expect me to begin renovating immediately.]

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Wednesday, October 15, 2003

Chicago's Most Wanted

Chicago's Most WantedNow everybody in Chicago knows that he's Steve Bartman, 26, of Northbrook, Ill., and that he works at Hewitt Associates, an international consulting firm in Lincolnshire, Ill. And, now they know that because of the notoriety of his inadvertent act, he did not report to work Wednesday morning. [espn]

Brokenhearted Steve Bartman apologizes to Cubs Nation.

Bartman can find solace in Florida
Gov. Jeb Bush said Wednesday an offer of asylum might be a good idea, and an oceanfront retreat in Pompano Beach is offering the man a free three-month stay, should he deem it necessary to get out of Chicago until the hubbub over the popup cools down. The fan would also receive free airfare and other perks, all provided by the Holiday Inn Oceanside Pompano Beach. [espn]

More at

See also Infamous Cubs-Marlins Foul Ball Up for Auction.

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The "Back to the Future" Prophecies

In Part II, McFly is transported to 2015. Once there, he sees a sports headline projected on a souped-up, Times Square-like billboard.

"Cubs win the World Series...?!" McFly says. "Against Miami...?!"

This October, of course, the Cubs are facing the Miami-based Marlins. But that's where the similarities end. The year is not 2015. The Cubs are not playing the Marlins in the World Series (they're playing them in the National League Championship Series). And the fishy Marlins are not represented by an alligator, the mascot that flashes on the screen in front of McFly.

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UPS = Utterly Poor Service

Last Thursday I found a note from UPS stuck to my door. The note alleges that a delivery attempt was made for a package addressed to me. From what I can tell, this is where UPS' compentency ends.

First thing Friday morning, I logged onto UPS' website. Realizing my full time job would prevent me from waitng around for the mysterious 10:30-2 pm drop-off, I requested the package be held at their not so-conviently located warehouse. This was a simple enough to accomplish, and a response came back stating my package would be held until the following Friday. So, secure in the knowledge that my package was in safe hands, I headed off for work.

Sure enough, I returned home to another sticker on my door. Delivery attempt #2 had failed. Ok, I rationalized, perhaps the truck was packed before my request was processed. But just to be safe, I double checked the website and ensured that I had indeed requested the package be held for pickup. As for the actual delivery time (remember, it was listed as 10:30-2:00), the online report says it was attempted at 6:15.

Monday comes and goes.The package is neither picked up nor delivered. Clearly UPS has got it's act together, right? Not so fast...

On Tuesday, I decide it's time to make the trek to the warehouse. Attempting to avoid wasting too much time, I head out directly from work. Once at UPS, I locate the pickup window. Lucky for me, there's a good 10 people in front of me. To make matters worse, the genius running the show is clearly incapable of doing his job by himself.

Customer after customer approach with their "infoNotice" in hand, only to watch the UPS representative scan it and then stare at the computer. Utterly bewildered, the worker calls "Joe" on his phone, and proceeds to discuss the package's where-abouts for a good 5 minutes. During this time, he is unable to acknowledge any other customers or attempt to locate another package. Sure enough, Mr. UPS hangs up the phone and informs the customer their package "ain't in the warehouse".

"How can that be?", they ask, "I called and was assured it was!". Sadly, the only response is a mumble about "it's onna truck". Faced with the delimma of waiting around for the lost truck or going home, they cut their losses and leave.

Now, I didn't call on the same day, so surely my package didn't go out "onna truck". In fact, I gave UPS 4 solid days to get their act together. Confident in this knowledge, I approach the window. Handing in my ticket, Mr. UPS disappears to the back of the warehouse. A good 10 minutes, he returns and informs me the package has been delivered to my "Reptionist". Mind you, this was my home address, so his "receptionist" line seemed a bit strange. Additionally strange was why his computer was unable to tell him this 10 minutes ago. Never the less, I decided to head home, hoping my new "receptionist" was a hottie. After all, I've long desired an assistant, so perhaps one of my loyal female readers had volunteered. If that was the case, the 90 minutes of my life UPS wasted wouldn't be so bad (Did I mention I know missed the end of the Yankees game?).

Sadly, there is no receptionist. My roommate had come home from work early and was there when the package arrived. Since UPS only hires the best and brightest, the driver entered the package as being received by a "receptionist". Seems like a honest mistake, after all, most residential pre-war walk-ups come with a receptionist, right?

So, that's my rant for today. If you use UPS, either get yourself a "Receptionist" to handle your deliveries or find a nice book to read while you wait for them to get their act together. But if you have a choice, use FedEx or the USPS.

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Tuesday, October 14, 2003

the best part about hating people is you never run out of ideas

  • ... says Dogbert

  • Disorient Express: Don't leave home without it

  • Not Tonight, Honey. I'm Logging On. Internet porn is everywhere; even “nice” guys are hooked. So where does that leave their girlfriends?

  • Bosox-Yanks Op-Ed

  • Easterbrook is a jackass

  • Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

California Dreaming

Not that it was an option, but I've crossed LA off my list of places to live. Not only is it in California, where they're facing a possible $12 billion budget deficit that they've entrusted Governor Ahnold to fix, but now both the grocery store workers and mechanics have gone on strike, which means there's no food to buy and no way to get to a restaurant. mark my words, within 6 months LA residents will resort to farming, abandon the dollar, and return to a barter system.

Posted by Crash at | comment

Saving My Fellow Man, One Back At A Time

You're settling in on the couch, getting ready to waste another Sunday watching sports, when your girlfriend proclaims it's time for a change. Having seen this situation before, you realize no good will come of it. After all, women do not proclaim it's time for a change and then proceed to tell you they are inviting their cute friends over for a little jello wrestling. No, the change they speak of means you will be parting ways with your either your time or your money, and often times, both. Timidly, you inquire about this forthcoming change.

Luck for you, she's only talking about rearranging the furniture. "Wait!", you say, "she doesn't have a clue as to how the furniture should be arranged! Instead I'll end up repeatedly dragging this shit around until she finds an arrangement she likes. My Sunday is ruined! How could this be Lucky?!?"

Simple! Get off the couch (relax, you'll be back soon) and find your tape measure. Now, hand her the tape measure and send her here. Either she'll come to the logical conclusion that the current arrangement is fine (that's why you picked it last time, remember?), or she'll become so engrossed in designing the layout that you won't actually end up moving anything (at least not today). Just make sure she doesn't decide she needs new furniture to complete her design.

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Monday, October 13, 2003

Caption Contest

PL-2 Gull Wing Paper Airplane
Porning Of Society
Ulyssesin audio
UK Guardian lists its Top 100 Novels of All Time list.
Eminem& Britneynews
Pottsville Maroonsas heard on MNF

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Sunday, October 12, 2003

Conspiracy Theory

Grounds crew in Boston screwed up the field sunday cause they knew that Wells would kill Burkett.

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Yanks kicked the Red Sox Ass

Boston Red Sox pitcher Pedro Martinez throws New York Yankees bench coach Don Zimmer to the ground during an altercation in the fourth inning of Game 3 of the American League Championship Series.

Roger Clemens and Pedro Martinez both threw high and hard. Brushback pitching, verbal threats, bench-clearing melee and Pedro Martinez treating Don Zimmer like a rosin bag.

Tempers flared, the mayhem saw a Clemens-Manny Ramirez confrontation because Manny was plain scared of Clemens heat.

Now Boston police are sizing up two Yankees.

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Saturday, October 11, 2003

Making yours the coolest cube in dilbert-ville

  • Kobe Bryant's defense team believes it has proof that the woman who accused him of rape had sex with at least one other man shortly before the alleged attack, the Daily News learned yesterday. "There was more than one man's semen found in her panties," Jones said. "That's what's behind all of this."
  • Drudge says Disney is ticked at Miramax for the violence in Kill Bill, and predicts a possible split -- also NYT Tarantino interview
  • How many times is the word "fuck" used in Pulp Fiction - a film record since beaten by South Park's 399? Get the Answer
  • 4 Foot Tall Homer
  • Paris and Nicky Hilton slideshow
  • Camp Counselors Accused of Hosting Kiddie Fight Club
  • Suspected Penis Snatcher Beaten to Death

  • Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

Which rat pack member are you?

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Abstinence and Insanity

Margaret Cho:
"The Roman Catholic Church is talking about how condoms don't block AIDS. I don't know what to say about that. And taking the vow of celibacy doesn't prevent pedophilia. What is wrong with them? If they oppose all forms of birth control, then when do we get to actually fuck? Or how do we get to fuck? Do they promote pulling out? Douching with a Coke right after? Only taking it up the ass? So now since the Vatican has issued the health warning about condoms, which they justify is just the same as they have about the hazards of smoking, there has been a major spike in HIV infection, with more than 42 million wrestling with the virus. Okay, condoms are not 100% protection, but 90% is better than nothing, or 'abstinence,' which nobody practices, never did, never will. "
I heard that ass fucking was the preferred form of birth control practiced by catholics back in the early 20th Centruy ... is that true?

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Friday, October 10, 2003

Daily Links

  • Kobe

  • Why the Chokeland A's Lost

  • Men Charged with Abducting Senator's Wife Caugt in Carteret, NJ

  • French Advertising Watchdog Wants Thong Ad Campaign Pulled (NSFW)

  • Bernie Goetz and Squirrels

  • Pynchon to do The Simpsons

  • Honey (NSFW)

  • Orbitz Popup Games

  • What's up with Uma's boob?

  • Ghettopoly Game Causes Outrage

  • "You got yo whole neighborhood addicted to crack. Collect $50."

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Thursday, October 09, 2003

Kobe's day in court

The woman who accused Kobe Bryant of rape told police a flirtatious encounter quickly turned ugly when he grabbed her by the neck, bent her over a chair and attacked her, repeatedly asking, "You're not going to tell anybody about this, right?"

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Fantasy Football Fast Forward

Edge may be missing in action again; the other Ricky Williams looked good against the Bucs in his absence.

Rogers is out so look to get Ricks in your lineup for week 7 since Hakim and Schroeder are still not 100%.

If you're desperate you may look to start Travis Taylor, Troy Brown, Dane Looker or Kevin Johnson against particulary weak pass defenses.

Might be a good week to start Kordell over Bledsoe if Moulds sits -- Drew has had about 2.5 good quarters in his last 12 and OT and may be even less reliable with Shaw and a dissappointing Reed at the wide-outs and a weakened running game with Henry's instability in the backfield. Let's hope McGahee is healthy enough to play soon.

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Wednesday, October 08, 2003

Britney's Private Dance

The Britney Spears Esquire pics are up. If you click the browse feature very quickly it looks like she's doing a private dance just for you.

In related news, a judge has ordered a Japanese businessman to stay away from Britney, ruling that he was "was abnormally obsessed and fixated with Spears."

Also, Wizbang is reporting in "semi-related news Maryland first lady Kendel Ehrlich wants to shoot Britney..."

Speaking of Britney... Teddy emails me this link to a Black Table article about Fred Durst, The King of the Trailer Park Pimps. He also mentions that he's having a hard time getting his head around the whole Halle Berry thing.

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Tuesday, October 07, 2003

I Wouldn't Bet On It

Ok, just so no one accuses me of avoiding the issue, I admit last week's NFL picks were not such a great idea. My mistake was thinking that because I was on a winning steak, I could do no wrong. The previous week, everything felt right. Last week, nothing felt right, and I should have followed my own advice and skipped the week altogether. In fact, I said as much, both in my week 4 picks ["it's about to get a lot tougher"] and my week 5 picks ["I thought this week's best bet was no bet at all"]. Unfortunately, I wasn't smart enough to follow my own advice.

I was a victim of one of the major psychological advantages that keep Vegas profitable. As the wins mounted, the urge to attempt to roll the winnings into larger and larger victories encourages more and more bets. However, it is almost impossible to continue to make strong bets at ever increasing quantities. Having learned my lesson (again), I will do my best to only post picks worthy of your attention [editors note: I assume this the line the title is in reference to]. The downside of this is the picks will be less often, the upside is a should avoid another week like the last one. And for those keeping count, I lost 2, pushed 1, and won 1.

The only pick guaranteed to be posted is my elimination pool team. I'll keep posting that until I win it all or get eliminated.

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If you remember, a while back jackass was blamed for some stupid kid cracking his skull open while trying to race in a shopping cart. Apparently, he was imitating a stunt he saw on the show. Now I don't know if the kid received any compensation, but I do know it was at least partially responsible for Jackass adding a disclaimer to the beginning of the show.

Regardless of how you feel about the decision, the lesson was clear. Acting irresponsible on TV without a disclaimer is opening yourself up to a lawsuit. Know thing, why did I just see a McDonald's commercial with two kids in shopping carts racing them as if they were chariots? Seriously, the new Mickey D commercial has two kids in karts, and each Kart is tied to a rope, which is being pulled by two kids. Seriously, it's like they're just giving away million dollar settlements. So, go bust your skulls while you can, because Mickey D's won't be showing this ad for long. Oh, and don't forget to throw a donation or two TwistedFans' way.

On a related note, Mickey D's secret ingredient has been discovered. Click here to read all about it in Fast Food Nation. A great read.

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Should the Bucs Defense get credit for Keenan McCardell's fumble recovery and touchdown?

From the Bucs official site:

In between, McCardell scored on a play that was technically a defensive touchdown. S Mike Doss intercepted an overthrown pass in Indianapolis territory but, as he returned it sideways across the field, C John Wade dove to tackle Doss and knock the ball loose.

From ELIAS SPORTS BUREAU, the official stat provider of the NFL:

The play happened as follows: Brad Johnson threw an INT to Michael Doss. Once this happened, there was a change of possession and the Colts become the offensive team and the Bucs become the defensive team. Doss then fumbled the ball, and McCardell recovered the fumble and took it in for a TD. Even though McCardell is typically an offensive player, he was on defense on that particular play. As a result, the Bucs Defense will be credited with a Defensive Fumble Recovery and a Defensive TD.

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Explanation of the 'leaping' rule

With 3:57 remaining in overtime of the Monday Night Football game between the Indianapolis Colts and Tampa Bay Buccaneers, the Colts attempted a game-winning 40-yard field goal. The attempt missed, but Buccaneers defensive end Simeon Rice was assessed an unsportsmanlike conduct penalty on the play for leaping. Rule 12, Section 3, Article 2 of the 2003 Official Playing Rules of the National Football League (page 86) defines the unsportsmanlike conduct/leaping penalty as follows: "Clearly running forward and leaping in an obvious attempt to block a field goal, or try-kick after touchdown and landing on players, unless the leaping player was originally lined up within one yard of the line of scrimmage when the ball was snapped." Rice lined up approximately four yards behind the line of scrimmage, ran forward, leaped in an attempt to block the kick and illegally landed on a teammate. Following the penalty, the ball was spotted half the distance to the goal line, giving Indianapolis a first-and-10 from the Tampa Bay 11-yard line. Indianapolis kicker Mike Vanderjagt then connected on a 29-yard field goal to give the Colts a 38-35 victory. []

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Vote on the Best AL East loser nickname

Chokeland As or BoSux [via Poon]

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Daily Links

  • Spree up to his old tricks

  • 1.6 million Enron emails released

  • Song swappers flock to invitation-only Internet

  • Peter Luger


  • Boston Red Sox Johnny Damon, right, and Damian Jackson, left, lie injured after colliding with each other in the seventh inning against the Oakland Athletics as teammate Nomar Garciaparra picks up the ball to complete the throw to second for the out in game 5 of the American League Divisional Series playoff game, Monday, Oct. 6, 2003 in Oakland, Calif. (AP Photo/George Nikitin)

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Thursday, October 02, 2003

Call During Dinner Hours

The Direct Marketing Association (DMA) is attempting to squash the Do-Not-Call List by filing a lawsuit claiming it violates their constitutional right to free speech. In reality, the do-not-call list is simply enforcing the public's right to privacy by giving them an opportunity to opt out of annoying sales calls. Everyone has the right to free speech, but everyone also has the right not to listen. Telemarketing firms should have no more right to harass individuals than I have the right to repeatedly prank call my neighbors.

Realizing the firms may not have considered this concept, I am providing the phone numbers of the plaintiffs involved so you the reader can inform them.

Chartered Benefit Services, Inc. — (847) 797-8500
U.S. Security — (405) 917-5566
Global Contact Services — (704) 782-0596
InfoCision Management Corporation — (330) 668-1400

[Many thanks to Act For Change for the numbers]

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Weak 5 Picks

Sitting in my cubicle, pumped from attending the Yankees' big win last night, I contemplate this week's matchups as "Jock Rocks, volume 2" plays on repeat.

Previously, I thought this week's best bet was no bet at all, but now I know differently. Thanks to the motivational "Sirius" [by The Alan Parsons Project] and The William Tell Overture [played by Raymond Castoldi], I have reached a new level in sports clarity.

As I settle deeper into my trance, I see a vision of how the games will play out. It's almost as if I can hear Boomer yelling "And Look at him go! He... Could... Go... All.. The.. Way! Touchdown! Touchdown! Touchdown!" [or is that just the Jock Rocks?].

So, before I lose this zone, I present to you, my picks of the week!
Detroit +7 over San Francisco
Giants (pk) over Miami
Minnesota -4 over Atlanta
Chiefs -3.5 over Denver
Carolina - 7 over New Orleans

The TBS [TwistedFans Betting Scale] Ratings have not been provided, since these picks clearly come from a higher power.

For those following along regarding my elimination pool, I was originally going with Buffalo over Cincinnati, but after my divination [delusion?], I have abandoned Buffalo, both from the elimination pool and the picks of the week, and have instead put my trust in Randy Moss [En Fuego].

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Read more in the Archives
Women protesters wear anti-Bush surgical masks during a protest near the U.S. Embassy in Manila, Philippines, on Monday, Oct. 13, 2003 against the upcoming visit of U.S. President George W. Bush. Bush is to meet Philippine President Gloria Macapagal Arroyo, and also scheduled to address the joint session of the Philippine Congress in his 8-hour visit before proceeding to Bangkok, Thailand, for the meeting of APEC leaders. (AP Photo/Bullit Marquez)
Staunch Heterosexuals