Shaq Badly Injured in Street Brawl
with Woody Allen



Currently on TwistedFans.com

Issue #35

Shaq moments after the Woody K-O punch was thrown.
HOLLYWOOD, CA  Lakers center Shaquille O'Neal suffered a painful injury last night at the hands of film director Woody Allen. "Woody whupped his ass," said Charles Barkley, who witnessed the entire incident at Warner Bros. Hollywood Studios. "Shaq was keeled over crying like a little baby."

     The altercation began when Allen, on a break from filming a commercial for Viagra with Mark Martin, was wandering around the studio hallways. He ran into O'Neal, who was arriving for a video shoot at an adjacent lot. 

     Shaq greeted Woody, an avid Knicks fan, and began playfully insulting his floppy hat, the Knicks, and former Knicks center Patrick Ewing. "Gimme a break!" retorted Allen. "You got nowhere before Kobe came along. You're Scottie Pippen and he's MJ. Just look at how the team has been playing without you during your suspension."

     O'Neal smiled and began walking away. However, Barkley, standing nearby, decided to intervene. "It was a boring day, I really wanted to see a fight," explained Sir Charles. "So I pushed Woody into Shaq."

     O'Neal became angry at the contact and flailed angrily at the horrified director. Unfortunately, all of Shaq's 30 punches missed Allen. "He even tried kicking Woody and missed," said an astonished Barkley.

     Scared for his life, Allen punched a huffing and puffing O'Neal in the crotch. Grizzlies forward Shareef Abdur-Rahim, who was filming a "Come to Memphis" commercial nearby, then entered the fracas to help Shaq. Rahim threw 10 punches, all of which hit but failed to knock down a nearby potted palm tree. By this point, Allen had already run away and O'Neal was grimacing on the ground.

     "I'm gonna get that little twerp," said a hospitalized Shaq, who has been informed that he may not be able to have any more children. Allen says that another fight with O'Neal is both unlikely and the least of the his concerns. "My hands are gonna smell for at least a week now. Does anyone have any moist towelettes ... or maybe some baby wipes? Oh, by the way, I love New York and Viagra is great!"

Butch Rogaine will huff and he'll puff and he'll blow Marcus Camby down.

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