After Lewis KO, Tyson's
Career Still Promising

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Issue #51

Who let the dog out?
BRONX, NY Mike Tyson appeared at a local Dr. Jay's athletic goods store for a press conference to announce that, despite the end he has lost his standing as a marketable boxer, he will continue to fight.

Tyson was accompanied by Don King, and the two outlined a plan almost guaranteed to bring the fighter into a different kind of pugilistic promincence. "I got him a dog license from the 'SPCA," said promoter Don King, referring to the New York chapter of the ASPCA.

Tyson's license grants him entrance into the exclusive underworld sport of dog-fighting, wherein pit bulls are specially bred and trained to rip each others' guts out in Bronx alley ways that serve as rings.

The sport enjoys a small but wealthy audience of spectators, who bet in large sums and root the dogs on. The boxer seemed excited at the prospect of fighting a canine:

"I'm gonna eat your puppies and sleep with your bitch," exclaimed Tyson, standing on all fours and face to face with his opponent, known only as "Rex." The dog just stared at Tyson, who had drool running down his chin and kept rubbing his head against the floor to relieve an itch.

"Let's go right now. I'm gonna chew you like kibble, I'm gonna make you wish you wuz a cat, I'm gonna sniff you till you love me Fido," exclaimed the ornery Tyson.

Rex, however, refused to take the bait. "He ees a smart dog," explained owner Flaco, a local pusher who lives on Fordham Road. "He gonna keep eet all een until ees time for fight."

The bout is scheduled to take place at an undisclosed alley on Thanksgiving Day. It will be filmed on video tape, copies of which will be sold out of vans in various parts of the Tremont, Melrose, and Fordham areas.

Butch Rogaine should watch his ears, legs, fists.

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