A-Rod Offers to Restructure Contract to Obtain Trade to Montreal



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Issue #34

TF speculates that A-Rod may have found something good North of the Border.
GALVESTON, TX  According to his agent, Texas Rangers shortstop Alex Rodriguez has offered, as an act of kindness, to restructure his contract so that he can be traded to the Montreal Expos. 

     The deal, which would send several players to Texas in return for the shortstop, requires Rodriguez to defer a substantial amount of money owed him. 

     "Basically, the Expos and their successors will be paying Alex and his heirs in small increments until about the year 3000," explained Rodriguez' agent Scott Boras.

     "My client loves the city of Montreal even though he has never been there," added Boras. "He has, however, flown over the city and, from that experience, knows it to be a beautiful place. More importantly, Alex wants to show that he isn't about money."
     However, League sources believe that the trade is all a ploy orchestrated by Boras to move Rodriguez to a team whose imminent disintegration will result in the shortstop becoming a free agent. Regardless of the motive, the Rangers are desperate for pitching, and Rodriguez is rumored to have irritated owner Tom Hicks by privately complaining about the team's failure to surround him with a playoff-caliber team.

     The trade would still leave the Rangers short on good arms. In return for Rodriguez, the Expos have offered to give Texas several of their left handed grounds crew members. While such an offer would deter most teams, the Rangers organization seems overjoyed by it. 

     "Hey, everyone Montreal has turns out to be a superstar ... I heard Pedro Martinez was once a hot dog vendor," noted a veteran advance scout for the Rangers, while scratching the dead skin under both of his eye patches.

Luscious Rosenbaum has spent 20 years scouring the coast of Nova Scotia for quality fly fishing talent.

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