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August 14, 2001
August 7, 2001

  Volume 1, Issue 13  | Published Tuesdays  |  August 21, 2001  


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Perfect in Pennsylvania?

Apopka Parents Cry Foul!

  In a stunning turn of events, Little League World Series pitching phenom Danny Almonte admits, "I'm El Duque's Older Brother." 
  At a press conference following Almonte's perfect game last Saturday, it was revealed that 12-year-old pitcher from the Rolando Paulino All-Stars of the Bronx, NY is actually a 42-year-old defector from Cuba.
 "I knew my son couldn't be struck out by a 12-year-old throwing a 74 mile an hour slider" said a bewildered parent from Apopka, FL.

Related Story: Little Leaguer Strikes Out Looking In Game and In Life

Top Headlines
• Doc Gooden to join cast of ER, Strawberry Expected to Cameo as Patient
• Siragusa Sidelined 2-3 Weeks After Accidentally Ingesting Helmet Strap
• Iverson Set to Perform Shakespeare In New York's Central Park
• Mark McGwire Admits Experimentation with 16 year-old can ... of SPAM

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Did you know: 75% of Tony Gwynn's 3136 hits were singles? In 1989 alone 81% of his hits were singles and he had 100 RBI just once. Take a look: 3136 total hits - 135 hrs + 542 (2b) + 85 (3b) = 2374 singles/3136 total hits = 75.7% singles

Bad News for Horny Men: 
• Lisa Harrison decides against posing for Playboy
• Anna Kournikova withdraws from U.S. Open
• Clemens, Iverson lose as Atlanta moves on

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The only thing more disgusting than Dennis Miller essentially amusing himself with his own banter on Monday Night Football is Al Michaels following each Miller quip with some stupid comeback line ending with "baby."

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