Worker Adapts Tiger Woods' Winning Style to the Office


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When people see me Christman's Tiger Woods Style fist pump at the office, they  start wondering, 'What magic has this guy done now?"
     Scott Chrisman is your typical worker in today's information economy -- he doesn't really make or produce anything, except reams and reams of papers, reports, and memos.  Lately, the seeming monotony of his day-to-day professional life was starting to discourage him.  "I just keep writing reports that get emailed or printed out.  I don't even know if anyone reads them, which is pretty frustrating."
     However, Chrisman has a new hero to combat this worker fatigue:  Tiger Woods.  (Tiger Woods the golfer, of course -- not Tiger Woods the ubiquitous corporate flunky who pitches everything, seemingly, that has a dollar figure attached to it.) You see, Chrisman has watched Tiger Woods ascend to the rare air of super-athlete, and thinks he knows why:  the animated, heart-pumping, pulse-pounding trademarked fist pump.  Chrisman, commented, "Hey, I don't think it's coincidence that Tiger started kicking these guys asses at the same time that he started doing that 'fist-pump' thing.  No one else really does it on the Tour except Tiger."
     When it was pointed out to Chrisman that Jack Nicklaus and Bobby Jones managed to succeed without acting like Dennis Eckersley (another noted fist-pumping jackass), Chrisman blurted, "Well, that was then and this is now.  I mean, this is the go-go 21st century, and if you're not a leader, then you're just a follower.  Tiger is a leader, and I want to be one, too.  When I get done writing a memo and successfully fax it out, I'm pumped, man, I'm pumped!  It really gives me an edge over my other coworkers, I think.  When they see me pump my fist after sending out a report, they're wondering, 'What magic has this guy done now?  How can I raise my office productivity to his level?  Should I wear Nike?'"
     The reporter from TwistedFans.com asked Chrisman to demonstrate, a la Tiger Woods-style.  Chrisman screwed up his face as if he was going to cry, and hit the printer button.  He stoically strode to the laser-jet printer -- looking neither left nor right.  He slid the printout into the fax machine, dialed the numbers, and hit the 'Send' button.  As the sheets starting feeding into the fax machine, he pumped his fist wildly in front of his face, and then screamed out "That's what I'm talking about, beee-atch!!!" to a rather startled-looking man walking by.  People in the vicinity gave half-hearted, mocking fist pumps as they went about their business.
     "Notice I have on my red shirt -- red for victory?  It's all about attitude, man!"

Scott Shields is a contributing writer to TwistedFans.com
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Worker Adapts Tiger Woods' Winning Style to the Office



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