January 9, 2004

TwistedFans' Latest Product

Some of TwistedFans' greatest ideas have often come while we've been away from the computer. One Incredible idea after another have been lost because we have lacked the technology (and memory) to record it. Worse still, we had to live knowing untold millions of interent users (the real victims) had been deprived of exposure to our genius. As the problem continued unabated, TwistedFans.com slowly realized it was up to them to remedy it. So, armed in the knowledge they fought for the good of mankind, TwistedFans set out to find a solution!

The first option we reviewed was to equip the TF staff with cell phones cable of sending in remote posts. Unfortunately, there was two main roadblocks with this idea. First, was financial. Rumor has it that cellphones cost hundreds of dollars and incur monthly fees. One quick look at the TwistedFans endowment, and we realized contributions hit an all time low in 2003 (You cheap bastards!).

Secondly, extensive research shows typing on a cell phone can be difficult while consuming large amounts of alcohol, which, more often than not, is a critical part of the TwistedFans' think tank sessions. Sadly, the idea of cellphones was scrapped.

Next, we turned to commercially available PDA's. Although easier to use during our "brainstorming" sessions, they too had their flaws. Initial reports suggested PDA's are more expensive then cell phones. Again, this is not conducive to such a cash-starved blog such as TwistedFans.com (it's as if you people don't even see our amazon ad).

Even more critical is how fragile PDA's can be. Something as minor as a drop from the roof of an apartment or being hurled across the room in a drunken rage could cause it's destruction. Obviously, PDA's were not our solution.

As we eliminated one product after enough, it became clear there was only one option left. Since the current market could not meet our demands, we decided to turn the project over to our in-house development team (who are much better than our out-house development team). Soon our brightest technicians were working hard to solve the problem. Happily, what they developed can only be described as utterly ground-breaking. In fact, each of our staff has been issued this new and revolutionary product at the beginning of the year, and all I can say is the results are outstanding.

Because of the product's success internally (and to help offset the high research and development costs), we have decided to begin producing it commercially. Without further ado, we proudly present TwistedFans' Incredible Data and Image ObjecT (IDIOT for short).
Here are but a few of it's amazing features!

  • Super shock-resistant casing
  • Low power requirement - you will never need to replace a battery, guaranteed!
  • Stylish casing - available in a rainbow of colors
  • Full color display
  • So easy to use, your kids could do it
  • Allows you to enter text and pictures
  • Now equiped with a new "Calendar" feature
  • Absolutely no monthly fees, ever!
Now, if I were to tell you it could do all that, how much would you be willing to pay? $500? $600? Well then, you'll be overjoyed to hear our price. Yes, we are letting these go for the one-time, low, low price of only $99.99!

Act now and we'll double the storage capacity for only an additional $19.95!
Hurry, supplies are limited! [14:13]  [ ]