January 8, 2004

TwistedFans Reporter Taken Hostage!

Shhh! Don't let them hear you....

I've quietly posted this in hopes it will help others avoid my fate. You see, an evil empire has sent it's minion into my apartment and has enslaved me. Ever since their wires were attached, addictive messages have been sent to my brain continously. Each day I wake up lazier, fatter, more stupid, and more accepting of their tactics. It's tenticles have even ensnared my loved ones, dragging them down with me. I know it's wrong, I know I need to break away, but I just don't believe it's possible any more. The addiction has gone too far. Yes, my cable company has ruined my life.

I know what you're thinking, that it's my own fault. Of course you think that, you don't understand. You couldn't understand. No one ever understands!

It's not my fault, honest. I've canceled my cable. For four years I haven't paid a bill, but they just keep pumping it into my TV. I've even called repeatedly to have them shut it off, but to no avail. What am I suppose to do (I mean besides unhook it or cut the wire)?

Ok, you got me. This didn't really happen to me (I can stop watching whenever I want to. Really). But it did happen to this guy. I'm no lawyer, but I think he's got a case. I mean, how can you argue with this logic:

“I believe that the reason I smoke and drink every day and my wife is overweight is because we watched TV every day for the last four years”
What other possible reasoning could explain it?
You've been warned.
-Crash [09:55]  [ ]