Second Half of World Cup 
Qualifying Match 
Played with Head of Decapitated Fan



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Issue #45

Soccer fans

"Give us back our head" chanted Brazilian fans as they were held back by riot police from entering the pitch.
BRAZIL – The national soccer teams of Jamaica and Brazil unknowingly used the head of a decapitated Brazilian fan as a soccer ball for the majority of the second half of their World Cup qualifying match, a 2-1 victory for Brazil. The fan, whose identity has not been ascertained, is believed to have been yet another casualty of the vicious fighting that takes place among rabid soccer fanatics. According to witnesses, the unknown fan was in a struggle with Jamaican spectators and decapitated. His head rolled onto the field at around the same time that the game ball was knocked out of bounds by a Brazilian defender.

    Video reviews of the event show referee Hans Zucker casually passing the head to Jamaican superstar Jeb Jah, so that the striker could make a corner kick. The head of the fan, who was described only as a bald Caucasian with black spots all over his face and scalp, was used for all but the last 2 minutes of the half, when Brazil's goalie complained to a referee that the "ball" had lost air pressure and seemed "flat."

    It is unknown how the sphere of manhide went undetected for so long. Referees refused to take any blame for the incident. "It was an honest mistake. You've gotta admit, he had an almost perfectly round head," explains Zucker.

      Jamaican player Jeb Jah had an inkling about the ball's true identity, but refrained from telling others. "I thought the ball felt kind of soft and 'funny' when I tried to hit a header into the net," notes Jah. "But I was afraid that if I told anyone that I saw ears on the ball, they would make me take a drug test."

by Butch Rogaine

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