TwistedFans Sports Parody | January 29, 2002 | Google's #1 Sports Parody Website

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Volume 1, Issue 34 | January 29, 2002

Headlines

Tyson Erupts into Domesticity on The Martha Stewart Show

Curse of The Bradshaw to Haunt Pittsburgh Forever

Ted Williams to be Released from Morgue Today, Says "I'm Feeling Much Better Now."

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SUPERBOWL XXXVI Preview

Rams Fined $100 Million By Feds for Ruining Patriots-Eagles All-American Super Bowl Fix
   St. Louis Rams Owner Georgia Frontiere congratulates Mike Martz shortly after the Rams clinched a Super Bowl Berth. But the loving didn't last for long after Frontiere was fined $100 Million by Head of Homeland Security Tom Ridge for directly disobeying an order from the Commander-In-Chief.
   Bush's executive order, requiring both Eagles and Patriots wins 'come hell or high water,' was drafted in a barely legible scrawl shortly before the fourth quarter of the Pats-Raiders game and immediately faxed to all referees and coaches.
   It seems that Martz huge ego wouldn't allow the Pats-Eagles fix to go through. US Attorney General John Ashcroft is deliberating whether to bring treason charges against the coach.

• U.S. Troops Working Hard to Capture Bin Laden for Halftime Execution

• Matt Schroeder's Super Bowl Notebook:
» Governor Gamble Public Funds
» Madison Avenue Plans Fight Club-style Commercial Spots
» Summerall Set to Leave with a Bang

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From the Mailbag

Twisted Quotes

“I should wear ADIDAS.” ~ Michael Jordan, after losing his footing and crashing to the floor vs. the Cavaliers last week

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Vernon Forrest

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Mosely Wants "Rematch" With Forrest
NEW YORK – Boxer "Sugar" Shane Mosely said Monday that he would like another
severe ass-kicking served up by fellow welterweight Vernon Forrest. Mosely, whose ass got completely handed to him on Saturday night, and in the 1992 Olympic trials by Forrest, vehemently stated, "I'd like you to re-kick my ass again, Vernon." Forrest, when told of Mosely's request, just re-laughed.