|
Spurrier Out, "Emeril" In
Spurrier Fired Following "Dang Redskins" Comment; T.V. Super-Chef Emeril Hired as Replacement
 WASHINGTON, DC - Steve Spurrier's tenure as Washington Redskins' head coach ended Thursday after referring to the organization as "dang Redskins" during his welcome speech.
"It is a great honor to be hired as head coach of this great and storied franchise. My heart goes out to all of you fans and the city of Washington. From the very bottom of my heart: I love these dang Redskins."
"That's it! He's gone," said an irate owner Daniel Snyder. "Nobody takes these Redskins' name in vain. Get his cornflake, college-boy, Gator-loving ass out of here."
Spurrier's tenure lasted only eight days, the second longest in Redskins history under Snyder. He will, however, be paid the remaining $24.72 million left on his 5-year, $25 million contract. The embattled coach says he plans to spend the next six months drinking heavily with recently displaced head coach Marty Schottenheimer in Tijuana, Mexico.
So, who's next? Sources close to the organization report that waiting in the wings is a beloved personal favorite of Snyder's, someone he has long coveted working with: T.V.'s Super-Chef Emeril Lagasse.
"Emeril is SOOO cool...he is so funny," reported an enthralled Snyder. "His chutzpah is perfect for this organization, and I think he'll do really well." Added Snyder: "I really love that guy."
Mr. Lagasse could not be reached for comment, however, sources close to the team say Snyder hired him without an interview, and with no football experience whatsoever. He will, much to the chagrin of other NFL head coaches, be paid more than any other head coach in NFL history; notching a 7-year, $37 million contract.
|
|
| Onion rings or Super Bowl rings? He's got no choice, now. |
Emeril, the star of Food Network's "Emeril Live!" and the now-defunct NBC sitcom "Emeril", may not be able to translate his cooking skills onto the playing field, but as Snyder says, this remains to be seen. But don't tell Snyder that Emeril can't get the job done, because as everyone knows, the owner's confidence in personnel has been a complete "recipe for success" in recent years.
"Emeril will, you know, mix a little offense here - BAM!, a little defense there - BAM!" screamed Snyder while making wild cooking hand gestures and happily feigning the chef-cum-coach's Brooklyn accent. "He'll do a good-a job-a... Capiche?"
|
