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| "Not the TV!" screams Cleveland resident Kenny Jones. |
CLEVELAND, OHIO – Seeking payback for the Cleveland bottle-throwing incident that scarred many of their officiating brothers, several NFL referees laid waste to the city. The vigilantes, all officials who were not on playoff duty, threw kegs of Heineken through the windows of several homes. It was an orgasm of glass and beer foam.
"They all had black and white stripes painted on their faces," said resident Kenny Jones. I first thought they were Raiders fans or something when I saw them at my job at Excal Pharmaceuticals. The refs seemed to be having a tailgate party in the parking lot, and I could tell that they had had a lot to drink."
According to Jones and several other witnesses, the officials swept through several parking lots, looking for Cincinnati Bengals bumper stickers. They then followed each driver to his or her respective home.
"One guy was on my lawn, peering into the house with a video cam and recording me. He then kept replaying it on a small TV screen over and over again," complained Junior Williams. "The ref was accompanied by that kiss-ass Brent Musberger, who was giving play by play. He'd say things like ‘The refs have penetrated deep into Williams' property.' It was corny and stupid."
By the end, there was over 3 million dollars in damage and 6 housewives were missing.
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