August 7, 2003

The Govinator

Ah-nold is running for governor! Like a real NYTime's journalist (read: I made this up), I rushed out to interview the movie star on today's top issues. I present that interview here, in hopes of aiding the citizens of California during what can only be described as a difficult electorial decision!

TF: Do you have any advice for Governor Gray on the eve of his recall?
Ah-nold: Hasta la vista, baby! (Terminator 2, 1991)

TF: If elected, will you seek a second term?
Ah-nold: I'll be back. (Terminator, 1984)

TF: What are your opinions on women's rights?
Ah-nold: They're... strange and sensitive and they have compassion. I have the highest respect for women. (Twins, 1988)

TF: Why should we vote for you over candidate Larry Flynt, the Hustler mogul?
Ah-nold: I'm not a pervert. (Jingle All The Way, 1997)

TF: Fair enough, but what about the other candidates? What seperates you from the rest of the pack?
Ah-nold: I'm a cybernetic organism: living tissue over a metal endoskeleton. (Terminator 2, 1991)

TF: What about balancing the budget? Do you think you can maintain a balanced budget?
Ah-nold: If I break it, they can take it outta my pay. (True Lies, 1994)

TF: Do you support the death penalty?
Ah-nold: If it bleeds, we can kill it. (Predator, 1987)

TF: Have you picked a campaign slogan yet?
Ah-nold: Relax, you'll live longer. (Total Recall, 1990)

TF: Isn't that a bit overly simplified for your audience?
Ah-nold: No, this is California. (Last Action Hero, 1993)

TF: What are your feelings about the legalization of marijuana for medicinal purposes?
Ah-nold: You ship drugs to my country, and one morning you will wake up and find your testicles floating in a glass of water next to your bed. (Red Heat, 1987)

TF: If you win, what will you tell the people of California to reassure them things will get better?
Ah-nold: STOP WHINING! You kids are soft! You lack discipline! WELL I'VE GOT NEWS FOR YOU, YOU ARE MINE NOW! YOU BELONG TO ME! (Kindergarden Cop, 1990)

Well there you have it! Happy voting!

[For a more serious look at Governor Ah-nold, check out CalBlog, and don't miss's reasons on why he stands a chance]. Dan Gillmor explains why California[ns] must be nuts! See also: Lonewacko and PoliPundit [via Instapundit]. [08:58]  [ ]