Butch Rogaine Interviews Michael Strahan About Ungrateful NY Giants



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Issue #42

TF Senior Correspondent Butch Rogaine spent the entire month's budget to walk out to NY Giants defensive end Michael Strahan's house. The holder of the single season record for sacks spoke about his record, friend Bret Favre, and his ungrateful team.

Butch Rogaine: Hello Mr. Strahan, how are you?

Michael Strahan: You ungrateful bastard, don't you even care about how I'm doing? All you want to do is needle me into somehow looking like a greedy athlete.

Rogaine: No, not at all, I just started the interview by ...

Strahan: Yeah, that's right, push your own agenda. That's the way it is with the media. My agent told me it would be like this.

Rogaine: What are you talking about? I'm just trying to follow up on your public comments regarding the Giants.

Strahan: It's all lies, everything the Giants say is a falsehood. They trying to screw me and underpay me. I want all my moneys guaranteed. You see the gap in my teeth? That's gonna come back to haunt me some day in the future, I'm gonna need to secure myself and my family now.

Rogaine: Well, you deserve to get paid, but the team can't sign other players if they guarantee you all that money in a signing bonuses.

Strahan: You're just like the rest Butch. You're forgetting: I made all those games we lost really interesting.

Rogaine: Well, since we're on the sack topic, do you have any change in opinion about Bret Favre and the record now that you've had some time to reflect on the situation?

Strahan: Hell no. I still had to work for that sack. All the QB's are my bitches, Brett included. Plus, I shoulda got the record one way or the other. People forget about how many people I sacked in the preseason. Then there's all those sacks I woulda gotten if the quarterback had just stood there an extra five seconds. It was gonna happen one way or the other.

Rogaine: You know, as far as the value of sacks go, you didn't even make the playoffs last season. Can't the team lose just as easily without you? No player comes close to being as valuable as the whole team – except maybe a Bret Favre or Kurt Warner.

Strahan: It's all about rewarding me for what I deserve. I'm asking them to pay me for what I've already accomplished, not for what I'm going to do in the future. I pretty much plan on coasting the next time that I sign a big deal. I mean, when I sign for an $18 million or $20 million bonus for 4 or 5 years, it's not like I'll be playing for another contract during that span. Might as well just chill and play hard every fifth or sixth series.

Rogaine: Sure, I admire that work ethic you've got.

Strahan: People think I'm greedy just because I want so much money. I mean, I got expenses. You never know, I might not play again next season. Then I would be left with nothing but maybe all the money I've saved in my years in the NFL, $12 million or whatever  from my signing bonus, and a broadcasting career.

[Strahan sneezes and blows nose on wad of $100 bills he pulls out of pocket, then throws them on floor]

Rogaine: Wow, I totally see your point now.

Strahan: The Giants are showing me they don't want to win, because they refuse to pay for me.

Rogaine: If the Giants came back and offered you the money you wanted -- putting the team over the cap -- would you then consider letting bygones be bygones?

Strahan: Maybe. I also want them to sign better players to surround me. Ok, so they'd be over the cap, but that's not my problem. Make it work. wah! wah!.[Strahan begins throwing temper tantrum until Rogaine sticks platinum plated pacifier between his teeth].

Next week: Jason Sehorn tells Butch Rogaine why the Giants are mean for not letting him play pro basketball in the off-season.

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