U2 Plan Benefit Concert for
New York ... Knickerbockers



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Issue #41

Above: Bono sings "Running to Stand Still", a song he plans to dedicate to the entire Knicks organization.
NEW YORK, NY – Irish supergroup U2 announced today that it will be staging a benefit concert to raise awareness about the New York Knicks' horrible salary cap situation. "We're just trying to do our part for this great city," explained guitarist the Edge. "Latrell Sprewell is a very good friend of mine, and it pains me to see him play with [Charlie] Ward, [Howard] Eisley and those other wastes of money."

     Lead singer Bono has been visiting with Commissioner David Stern and several general managers, pleading for cap relief for the team. "The Knicks are in a dire situation," explained Bono, in a conference call. "Just as our brothers in Africa need debt relief from first world nations, so the Knicks must get some cap relief from the NBA. Other teams can help New York. Just take some of these horrible long term deals and give the Knicks some guys in their last year who are being overpaid."

     U2's record company, Polygram, is planning to issue a live single to help Knicks' owner Cablevision perhaps bribe some players to retire. The single, "Pride (in the Name of Spree)," will be accompanied by a rare B-side cover of Cypress Hill's "Rock Superstar "

     In other related news, former Knicks forward Charles Oakley has offered ˝ price discounts for anyone who shows up at one of his car washes with a proof of purchase of the U2 single.

Luscious Rosenbaum is #18,713 on the Knicks season ticket waiting list. 

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