Magic Players Spooked as Ewing Begins Shooting Uncontrollably at Halftime



Currently on TwistedFans.com

Issue #41

PHILADELPHIA, PA Orlando Magic players stared in disbelief as their teammate, veteran center Patrick Ewing, began shooting uncontrollably at halftime of their 105-103 victory over the Philadephia 76ers. The incident began when Orlando player Monty Williams missed a halfcourt heave at the basket as time in the first half expired. Ewing grabbed the rebound and made a meaningless shot as players walked toward the sideline. However, to his teammates' surprise, the big man and future Hall of Famer did not return to the locker room. Instead, he kept taking shots over and over again from the charity stripe.

     Sports psychologists believe that Ewing, who averaged over 20 points per game prior to his role as a backup in Seattle and Orlando, is simply suffering from a type of scorer's withdrawal. "Patrick used to take 20 to 35 shots per game in his prime. Now, he sometimes goes an entire half without being given the ball," says noted Swedish psychiatrist Dr. Cocken Bowls.

     As the two teams returned to resume the second half, Ewing was still at the same end of the court, making jumpers and boxing out imaginary players to get the rebounds of any misses. "We was afraid to lead him back to the bench," explains Tracy McGrady. "We was calling him and trying to talk, but it was like he didn't hear us."

     The officiating crew, led by Dick Bavetta, decided to let Ewing dictate the start of the second half. Standing at center court, they waited to no avail for the big man to tire. However, he finally slipped in a pool of his own sweat and was carried off the court by former coach Jeff Van Gundy, who was at the game scouting the teams in preparation for a future TNT game.

     "Pat's gonna be OK," said the diminutive Van Gundy, while dragging Ewing's body off the floor with one hand and sipping a can of Diet Coke in the other. "You the man," he could be heard telling a semi-conscious Ewing, who continued to make swish motions with his arm.

Luscious Rosenbaum is still confused why the Knicks traded Pat for Howard Eisley.

Email this story to a friend

Subscribe to our Newsletter
    U2 Plan Benefit Concert for New York ... Knicks

Midseason TV Replacement Series Have Sports Flavor

Mr. Bozack’s Corner: 3/17/02

Atlanta Braves Suspend Player for Returning Chipper's Stolen Gloves

Devil Possesses Knight, Protests Duke's Use of Blue Devil Mascot


Visit our Archive


Home | Feedback  | Free Stuff | Privacy Policy
Copyright © 2001 TwistedFans, LLC, ARRAWR.