Basketball Players Retire from Game to Become Private Investigators



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Issue #40

     Memphis Grizzlies guard Jason Williams and L.A. Clippers forward Lamar Odom, known in the after hours scene as the "Dope Duo," have announced that they will be retiring from athletic careers to become private detectives specializing in "sports crimes."

     "Yo .... um, you know ... no doubt we gonna solve crimes," said a stern Odom. ‘We have Jayson Williams and all those other athletes in trouble ... they'll hire us at top dollar to solve their problems."

     The two plan to travel in a customized van they call the "Dream Machine," which has already been seen gliding down Santa Monica Blvd., smoke billowing out of all its windows.

     Accompanying the two will be WNBA-ers Teresa Weatherspoon and Jackie Stiles. "We need them cuz they're good mechanics. Me and Lamar don't know the first thing about fixing cars," explained Williams, who later appeared to carry the two women, with their wrists tied, into the van. A small Jack Russell Terrier named ‘Munchy' will accompany the four.

     The group has already earned one athlete endorsement. "If they can't find Nicole's killers, no one can," said a beaming O.J. Simpson.

     In addition to earning their keep as PI's, the four plan on using the van for product endorsements, slapping logos and brand names all over it.  "When people see Lamar and Jason driving around in a van with a Nike swoosh, it will encourage them to buy Jordan's sneakers," said marketing agent Herbie Snead, while puffing on a Chia pet handed to him from someone in the Dream Machine.

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