Missing Ball Player: 
A Spring Training Mystery



Currently on TwistedFans.com

Issue #39

New York Met Joe McEwing is the first casualty of 2002 Spring Training.
PORT ST. LUCIE, FL –  New York Mets utility man Joe McEwing is presumed missing, after he disappeared from the team's training facility in Port St. Lucie Florida. Although it remains unconfirmed, several sources believe McEwing was eaten by roommate Mo Vaughn.

     Vaughn has been accused of eating bunkmates in the past, including Rex Hudler, who was once missing for 2 days before reappearing without explanation half naked in a men's room. "It's true, Mo has an insatiable appetite," said Hudler, during a phone interview conducted last night.

     "You'll be asleep and the next thing you know, you're awake and half of your body is in his throat, while he's trying to consume you boa constrictor-style. I'm lucky that something on my clothing gave him indigestion."

     Mets manager Bobby Valentine stood by his first baseman, albeit from a long distance. "David Wells is a hefty player. I don't know why he couldn't have eaten Joe ... yet you're accusing Mo. You should all be ashamed."

     Mets spokesman Jay Horowitz refused to confirm or deny the rumor that Vaughn's contract has a no cannibalism clause. "It may or may not. Cannibalism clauses are really boiler plate in the industry," he explained.

     "Are you kidding me?" responded Vaughn when cornered. "I'm a big guy, but I don't get that hungry," he said, as fists could bee seen attempting to punch out from his stomach, and a thousand souls were heard crying out from his rear end.

Luscious Rosenbaum will continue to investigate the disappearance of Jonas "Joe" McEwing for TwistedFans.com.

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