Reporting With Balls

Mr. Bozackís Corner: 3/5/02

Currently on TwistedFans.com

Issue #39

††††††††††† Starting this week, TwistedFans.com readers will be able to enjoy the angry man rants of a sports fan who is tired of hearing the clichťs and crap that passes for sports talk. Iíll also include my opinion on whatever topic comes to mind, BECAUSE ITíS MY COLUMN!

††††††††††† Letís get started. The first item on my list is the herd mentality of all the sports people who jumped all over Danny Almonte for lying about his age. I just read an article by Rob Neyer of ESPN.com who said he compared a recent edition of Total baseball with the 1952 edition of the Sporting News Baseball Register, which listed the biographical information for over 400 baseball players. From that list of 400, he found 94 players including several Hall of Famers, who had fudged their ages. The list includes everyone from Phil Rizzuto (Holy Cow!) to Warren Spahn and Dom Dimaggio (Cheap ass Joeís little bro). No one got angry with them and said they were horrible, untrustworthy people. Look at how many major leaguers came clean recently, and yet the herd made it seem as if Almonte was the only one who ever cheated in the history of little league sports.††

††††††††††† I wonder what they have to say about themselves now. I know what youíre going to say, "but this was little league and youíre condoning his actions." Hold on there hoss, Iím not saying the kid had a right to lie, Iím only pointing out how commonplace it is and such a part of baseballís history. Besides, its sports; he didnít lie about screwing an intern who gave good head.

Dumb & Dumber

††††††††††† Next, are the former jocks-turned announcers who pretend that anyone who uses more than one syllable in a sentence is speaking in a foreign tongue. Recently, on TNT, during the Knicks-Miami telecast Kenny Smith used the word ďastute.Ē Charles Barkley, who attended Auburn University, claimed to not know what the word ďastuteĒ meant.†

††††††††††† Whenever I hear ex-jocks claiming to be dumb, it just burns my ass. These jerks want it both ways, they get insulted if people accuse them of being dumb jocks, but then the Terry Bradshaws and the Charles Barkleys of the world act like they are dumber than 5 rednecks hanging out in Bed-Sty. I agree that Dennis Miller goes overboard with his use of five-dollar words, but come on! These guys supposedly went to college, you mean to tell me they didnít learn any words beyond shuck & jive. Do they really believe we all are limited to a 5th grade reading level.

††††††††††† What the hell has Britney Spears done to warrant so much publicity? She has to be the Anna Kournikova of music. (Actually, so is Jennifer [J Lo] Lopez now that I think about it.) Her voice is weaker than Allan Houston and Mark Jackson on defense. Why the hell did the NY Post put her on the cover the night after the Grammy's when she didnít win a thing, and didnít do anything special. All she did was wear a red dress and curl her hair. Okay, so while she canít sing, she can dance and she looks good, but there are 50,000 other women in music and entertainment who look good and can dance. If sheís not gonna show some breasts or ass then what the hell is she around for? As fine as she is, sheís not exactly the most talented being on earth.

††††††††††† Why is Sports in America mostly covered by only envious, bitter, and cranky middle-aged white men? Every time I listen to a talk-radio show or read an article in a magazine like a Sports Illustrated, Sporting News, or ESPN the mag, etc. there is some guy complaining about how sports has changed for the worst because: the players are too young and brash or the unwritten issue, that the black and Latino players donít care or are not too smart. Letís look at this situation.†

††††††††††† You have older white men and older black men who are well educated, covering sporting events where the players are young and rich, but not the most cultured people in the world. What is the result? Bitter angry pieces from writers like Steve Rushin in SI who bitches about how he has no fun watching sports anymore because the pros have no passion for the game anymore. The collective herd is annoyed that Allen Iverson was voted as their favorite player. I heard one say ďthatís bad news for our youth.Ē Why? Is it wrong for the youth of America to look up to someone they can relate to -- or are they limited to the guys the media like: people like boring ass Derek Jeter.

The collective media does not like Keyshawn Johnson, Shannon Sharpe, Deion Sanders, or Curt Shilling. Why? Because they are talkers. If you talk to the media, they donít like you because you talk too much, and they call you a phony. If you donít talk to the media, they prevent you from getting into the hall-of-fame and they label you a malcontent i.e. Eddie Murray, Steve Carlton, Patrick Ewing.†

Or if you happen to listen to WFAN in New York, where these guys Mike and the MadDog have a daily radio show from 1-6:30pm, you get the other perspective, know-it-all types who just rip anyone and everyone. They complain about having to attend the Super Bowl as if itís a burden. They cut off callers because the callers dare to disagree with their righteous point of view. ďIíve heard Christopher Russo (the MadDog of the duo, Iím convinced every sports radio station in America has a guy named MadDog), say, ďIf youíre a _____ fan, you canít be happy with _______, about a thousand times. Why is it that a caller is not allowed to rip a guy the hosts like, but can rip a guy they donít like.

††††††††††† A few months ago, I read an article in SI about the ten-year anniversary of Magic Johnsonís announcement that he had HIV. I could tell the writer really didnít respect Magic, because of the way he dissed his speaking ability, and was generally skeptical of his actual involvement in the business decisions of corporation. You donít have to like the athlete you write about, but at least you can be objective.

Next up Hollywood.Was it necessary for the studio thatís producing the new Jodie Foster movie Panic Room to play on stereotypes by creating a poster where Jodieís character (a white woman) is seen lying in bed seemingly unaware that there is a dark shadowy figure (Forrest Whitaker) in the background. A White woman in danger always has blockbuster potential. Does anyone remember Last of the Mohicans, where Daniel Day-Lewis ran across the continental United States to save Madeline Stowe from those savage Indians?

Back to sports, Iíve heard some personalities, I wonít name names, but they have a show on ESPNRadio. These two guys are constantly questioning why more people in the Metropolitan area donít support the Nets. Iíll tell you why:

1) If you are a true fan of your team you donít bail on them. Example: if you like the Yankees, you donít start rooting for the Mets because they are having a better season. If you like the Cubs, you donít root for the White Sox, if you like North Carolina you donít root for Duke. If youÖ okay you have the idea.
2) The Meadowlands are a sad and lonely place. There is nothing to do around there, no bars to drink at before the game and they're a pain in the ass to get to whether you're from NY or NJ.†
3) People are skeptical about the Nets, they havenít won anything since Dr. J was sold to the 76íers. It's like basketball's answer to the Curse of the Bambino.

††††††††††† Well thatís the end of my first column. If you liked this Iíve got more. Let me know if you agree or disagree with me. Send me email at [email protected].

TwistedFans.com acquired Mr. Bozack after the Giants released him to make cap room for Pat Summerall as their back-up place kicker. He will now spend his time writing a weekly column for TwistedFans.com.

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