Geographically Illiterate Americans Shocked "Canada" is a Real Country after Hockey Upset



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Issue #38

"Isn't Canada just part of that Big Old Alaska Territory we bought for $50?" queried a surprised spectator.
WEST VALLEY CITY, UT – Americans were stunned to discover that Canada was a real country after that nations' Olympic Hockey team won a 5-2 victory against the US in the Gold Medal Game.

     "I was surprised," said Daniel Hassabak, 34, who was at the arena for the game, "I mean, come on, Canada?  I didn't think there was a Canada, and now they're taking home a gold medal in ice hockey?  That's unreal!"

     Hassabak's reaction was somewhat typical of many Americans, who after checking a map were surprised to discover that Canada not only existed, but was north of the United States, and was rather large.

     Barb Shuller, 29, had this to say, "I thought they were a big joke, you know? I mean that whole pairs figure skating thing, they gave out a couple extra gold medals.  That's not serious, is it?  And they looked and sounded like Americans from that Fargo movie, I thought this was all just a big practical joke or a Jamie Kennedy Experiment."

     "I saw South Park, The Movie, but them guys didn't have no floppy heads like they did in the film.  They looked like regular people," said Jack Harrington, 23.

     Even years of evidence that there really was a Canada did not help. Many assumed that Canadian Beer was a lot like Corinthian Leather...just a name someone made up. 

     TwistedFans will continue to report on our nation's geography crisis as it unfolds, but only if it continues to be sports-related.

Razorwitt has received a 6.0 from the Canadian Judge for his article's artistic presentation.

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