Sports We Want to See in the Next Winter Games



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Issue #37

Australian Steven Bradbury seems a lock for gold at Precision Speed Skating.
Frozen Thumb Wrestling: Two fully clothed people keep their hands stuck in a bucket of ice for half an hour. They then engage in full out thumb war to see who has the strongest digit. The sport's judges wear microscopic glasses that allow them to determine whether a thumb is down for the count.

Precision Speed Skating: This sport rewards the cautious skater over the faster one. Scores of kittens are released onto the ice, as skaters wearing 12 inch skates attempt to cross without running over a feline. With a soundtrack that will make every dog lover smile, it's a an intense viewing experience.

Freak Pairs Skating: If God gave you three legs, you'd wanna show ‘em off too!

Tour Jayson Williams House: The goal is to stay alive while your host begins shooting random areas of the house.

Butch Rogaine would especially like to see last week's poll winner: Naked Pairs Figure Skating.

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