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NFL Quarterbacks Unanimously Agree To Stop "Tucking" The Ball


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FOXBORO, MA Following the controversial call in the Raiders-Patriots playoff game Saturday night, NFL quarterbacks have agreed unanimously to never tuck the ball again.

The Oakland Raiders were seemingly shafted Saturday night when Charles Woodson clearly smacked the ball loose from Tom Brady, creating a fumble. But the reason the obvious call was overturned is that, according to NFL Rule 3, Section 21, Article 2: "A quarterback is considered throwing from the moment he starts moving his arm forward until he tucks the ball back against his body". Brady had not yet "tucked" the ball away and thus, an obvious fumble was overturned.

"Hey, you know what?" said Jacksonville Jaguar QB Mark Brunell, "That means that if we don't tuck the ball away -- say, after a failed pass attempt, or even a pump-fake -- we can never fumble! It would be technically impossible." Added Brunell: "Fuck it ain't no way I'm gonna tuck it anymore."

The 30 other NFL quarterbacks quickly agreed Including Raiders quarterback Rich Gannon, who, in a catatonic state since Saturday night, simply nodded in agreement.

Although traditionally trained to "tuck" the ball away following throwing motion, the NFL quarterbacks say they will now practice "holding the ball out in front of them, unprotected," for the opposing defenders to knock loose. Some teams have already opened their offseason facilities to begin practicing the maneuvers.

"It's just like that "throwing the ball away" rule that that was instated a few years ago," said Tennessee Titans quarterback Steve McNair, pump-faking the ball and then twirling the football on his finger. "If we're getting pass-rushed or worse, monster blitzed, quarterbacks need that extra measure of safety," McNair continued, playing one-handed

"Is it still incomplete if I kick-pass it" queries a determined Tom Brady.
catch with himself.

"It is only fair," said Redskins QB Tony Banks, spinning the ball on the ground and blowing on it like a hot fire (a move he has seen in PS2's "Madden 2002") following a throwing motion. "Tom Brady has opened our eyes to a whole new style of quarterback play--thank you, Tom."

Although early reports are that the league will discontinue Rule 3 Section 21 Article 2 next year, the Player's Union on behalf of every NFL QB is petitioning to keep it, while also lobbying for the addition of a new rule. "Eventually, we'd like to see turnovers eliminated altogether from the sport of football," reports Green Bay Packers QB and Future Hall of Famer Brett Favre, on the 54-yard line with a football duct-taped to his chest. "Fumbles, interceptions, tips resulting from bad passes-- you know, turnovers really just stink when they happen to you. I should know."


Willy P. Ondabich master innovator of the hitch&pitch thinks Ty Detmer is his INT bitch.


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