Recommend this Site Masthead Free Stuff

Tues, Sep 25, 2001

Notre Dame's 'Touchdown Jesus' 
Mural Downgraded

by Matt Schroeder

SOUTH BEND, IN – After two poor offensive efforts led to a pair of  season-opening defeats, Notre Dame officials have announced that “Touchdown Jesus,” the large mural on the Hesburgh Library overlooking the south end zone at Notre Dame Stadium, has been downgraded to “Field Goal Jesus.”

     “Football tradition at the University of Notre Dame is not something I'd alter eagerly,” said Fighting Irish athletic director Kevin White on Monday. “Then again, football tradition at Notre Dame also isn't 220 offensive yards and 10 points per game. I realize that mural depicts the awesome strength and power of our Lord, the Almighty Savior, but asking Him to salvage this offense is a bit much.”

     Hopes for the 2001 Irish were high after the team won its last seven regular season games in 2000. But they lost on the road to Nebraska 27-10 to open the season, then fell 17-10 to Michigan State at home last Saturday. Notre Dame is averaging a meager 2.7 yards per carry, and starting quarterback Matt LoVecchio has completed just 50 percent of his throws for fewer than 100 yards per game. Following a meeting with university president Edward Malloy and head coach Bob Davie on Sunday, White wasted no time in taking pressure for the slumping offense off the campus’ most visible symbol of God’s love and forgiveness.

     “It’s possible that we’ve come to take the impact of ‘Touchdown Jesus’ for granted all these years,” White said, describing the painting that shows the Lord with his arms outstretched to resemble a referee’s touchdown signal. “He could use a break from carrying the hopes and dreams of Notre Dame’s legions of fans and extracting us from the jaws of certain defeat with miracle touchdowns over the years. We had hoped the so-called ‘Gerry Faust Sabbatical’ would allow us to count on His continued support, but apparently He’s telling us we need to start recruiting better.”

     Coach Bob Davie pointedly denied a rumor that he even lobbied to rename the mural “First Down Jesus,” and assured Notre Dame’s fans that he would get everything turned around soon. “We’re a little thin right now in the offensive line and at receiver, our quarterback’s young, we’re making way too many mental mistakes, and our footing hasn’t been good in both games, but I feel like we’re just so close,” the ever-optimistic Davie said.

     Sources close to the Lord, who could not be reached for comment, said He was pleased with the change but that it still might not be enough to keep Him from moving His library mural to Lincoln, Neb.

Matt Schroeder, TF's newest contributor (and previously of Sportsweekreview.com), recommends that Notre Dame replace Field Goal Jesus with Safety Judas.

Email this story to a friend

Most Read Stories

Issue #17


MLB Bunt Race Heating Up

New Look Anna Wins Tokyo Open

Bengals, Browns, Chargers, Bears Make "To Not Suck" Pact

2002 NBA Draft: TwistedFans predicts the first 10 picks

McEnroe Relishes New Role As Coach of U.S. Olympic Table Tennis Team


Home | Subscribe | Contact Us | Links | Feedback | Privacy Policy
Copyright © 2001 TwistedFans, LLC, ARRAWR.