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Fantasy Fantasy Football Craze
Ready to Sweep Nation

Willy P. Archive

     In Fantasy Fantasy Football (FFF), fantasy fantasy owners do not draft individual NFL players as in regular fantasy sports. Instead, the owners draft entire fantasy teams that have been previously drafted by regular fantasy owners. 

     "We at ESPN.com expect FFF to spearhead fantasy sports for the 21st century," claims FFF board member Phineas Sculky. "Numbered are the days when fantasy owners have to labor and toil through 15 rounds of actually drafting 180 some-odd players. With FFF, it's just one (1) round of drafting twelve (12) teams, and that's it." Added Sculkey: "We are happy to be ushering in this newer, fresher era of laziness and vicarious living---vicariously vicarious living, if you will." 

     Each FFF league will consist of 12 teams run by Fantasy Fantasy owners (FFF owners) that draft one of 12 teams from a neighboring regular fantasy (FF) league run by a regular fantasy owner (FF owner). FFF owners will choose either "Live" or "Automated" fantasy fantasy draft ("automated" is the early method of choice according to polls) and once the draft is completed, FFF owners can simply sit back and watch the Fantasy season unfold. 

     "I love this fantasy fantasy football stuff," exclaimed 22-year-old Brian Tompkins of Chicago, Illinois. Brian, owner of Brian's MY BOYS and part of ESPN's 24-man test group, which uses NFL preseason statistics, thinks "this is it" for the new millennium. 

     Said Tompkins: "Fantasy football is so old and gay. I don't have time for all that thinkin' anymore." 

     Jerry O'Neill, 43-year-old unemployed electrician from Lander, Wyoming, agrees. "I just drafted (Raul Lopez's team) One Fierce Motherf*****," says O'Neill, proud owner of Jerry's One Fierce Motherf*****. "Man, that guy has such an awesome team." Added O'Neill: "I wish that I was him." 

     FFF will of course have its share of flaws. Injuries to NFL players, for example, will continue to impact fantasy and fantasy fantasy teams alike. Kerry Mitchell (FF owner of Dominant Ones) screamed "Damn it, Dominick Rhodes!" upon hearing of Rhodes' season-ending ACL tear. And Jimmy Caulfield (FFF owner of Jimmy's Dominant Ones) screamed "Damn it, Dominick Rhodes!" upon reading about Kerry Mitchell's scream on the league web site. 

     But perhaps the biggest sticky issue surrounding FFF is that of trades. "Me and Jim MacDougal have swapped teams with each other a few times already," said Jim Crevani (owner of Jim C.'s Touchdown IN YOUR FACE), referring to Jim MacDougal (the fantasy fantasy owner of Jim's Mike's Seahawks). "But that Tommy Demento guy (owner of Tommy's The KickYourAsseraters) on the other hand has switched teams freaking 32 times already this preseason. He's owned each team at least twice." MacDougal agreed: "That guy is just way too active and needs to calm down." 

     Despite these few minor pitfalls, FFF should be a huge success. "Old-style fantasy leagues tend to burden the owners with the annoying tasks of things like: following the actual NFL games, keeping track of the actual NFL players' statistics, paying attention to which NFL team has a bye week, etc." says Sculky. "Thanks to FFF, you can let the real fantasy owners take care of all that nonsense." 

     ESPN predicts that FFF will become so popular that it will eventually phase out regular fantasy football completely, leaving all FFF owners to draft fantasy teams entirely generated by the computer. 

     ESPN is also reportedly currently experimenting with Fantasy Fantasy Baseball, NFL Pick'em Pick'em leagues, Fantasy Fantasy Team Kayaking, and Fantasy Fantasy Fantasy, or Triple Fantasy (FFFF) Football. 

     Please stay tuned as this trend develops.

Willy P. Ondabich has drafted Butch Rogaine's 'Butch Rogaine' team in TwistedFans' Basic Fantasy Football Salary Cap Challenge (pw: Rogaine).

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