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PISCATAWAY, NJ – The Tuesday afternoon practice for the Rutgers University football team was cancelled when one of the players reported seeing a "white substance" on the field. University officials immediately called in the FBI, who took samples of the substance.
After a thorough analysis, the FBI reports that there is nothing to worry about. The "white substance" was officially identified as the goal line. Upon receipt of the FBI report, university officials stated that "Since no Rutgers football player has actually ever been close to a goal line, they would have no way to distinguish it from other, possibly harmful, white substances".
In an effort to reassure the parents of the players, Rutgers football officials stated "This was an isolated instance. It's unlikely that any Rutgers football player will ever come in contact with any goal line, harmful or otherwise, particularly during a game".
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