Mets' Timo Perez Relieves Self on Outfield Wall During Game

Butch Rogaine Archive


     New York Mets outfielder Timo Perez urinated on Shea Stadium's centerfield wall during his team's 8-5 loss to the Philadelphia Phillies, marking the second case of mistaken location by the diminutive player in seven days. Last week, he celebrated a ninth inning home run at Coors Field in grand showboating fashion, later explaining that he thought he was in New York and had just hit a walk off homer. Perez used a similar excuse for this latest incident, claiming that he thought he was in his apartment at the time and not participating in the game.

     Television cameras showed that during Dave Hollins' at bat against starter Al Leiter, Perez walked up to the wall in centerfield, removed his protective cup, pressed one hand against the wall and proceeded to urinate on the padded structure. He then sat down on the grass a few feet away and, without having washed his hands, enjoyed a melted Snickers bar pulled from his back pocket.

     Perez also had a small boom box with him, which he turned on in order to listen to some salsa music. Completely oblivious to the game, he remained seated in the same spot even after it was his team's turn to bat. During this quiet time, he continuously asked Phillies center fielder Doug Glanville for the answers to a crossword puzzle he was working on, before finally taking a nap in the bullpen.

     S. Trike Noww, a noted sports psychologist, suggests that Perez' problem is symptomatic of an athlete playing on a losing team. "He wishes he was somewhere else," explains the mental health professional.

     This assessment was confirmed by GM Steve Phillips' reaction to the incident. Standing in the home locker room, he screamed "Show me your breasts!" at this reporter, clearly believing he was in a topless bar. Phillips then began to grind Mr. Met and later stuck dollar bills into the mascot's  trousers. "I'm glad I'm in Mike Piazza's house," said a smiling but also disoriented Mr. Met.  

Butch Rogaine has offered TP a pair of his Depends.
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