June 5 , 2001

Issue 3

A Tangled Web of Intrigue
Published Weekly


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NHL Prepares to Face New Competition From Mexico
Key To Devils' Success– It's All In the Name

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Tijuana Worms' Foreign Ownership Promises 
Successful Inaugural Season

Worms owner Ahmed Ahmed announces money and explosives as possible keys to success at a press conference in downtown Tijuana

Tijuana— Arab sheik Ahmed Ahmed, the primary owner of the NHL's new expansion franchise Tijuana Worms, has vowed to bring victory to fans of the team. "I have three plans," noted Ahmed Ahmed.

     "First, we will go with our current team of locals and see how they do. Yeah, they average around five feet in height, but they have low centers of 
gravity that should make them immune 
to body checking.

     If our guys aren't within 5 points of first place, uh, let's say within the first 4 weeks of the season, I will just release them and buy new players. And if those guys don't cut it, my people will just begin bombing visiting arenas until the NHL realizes that we are a team destined to succeed."
Tijuana Worms Show Community They Care

Tijuana—Members of the Tijuana Worms, in attempt to win over tentative Mexican hockey fans, have launched a community service program. Virtually all of the players are taking time our of their busy lives to serve as Zapatista rebels.

"It's really a good way for the guys to train for opening day," said team owner Ahmed Ahmed.

In addition to bringing terror upon the Mexican government on behalf of the people, the Worms will also take part in activities abroad. "To make sure we're ready for the season, I'm taking the boys to some secret camps in the Middle East," noted Ahmed.

Staff Writer Butch Rogaine covers Mexican Hockey.

Co-captain Manuel Labor listens to instructions from Zapatistas as part of Worms' community outreach program.

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