May 29, 2001 

A Tangled Web of Intrigue

 Issue 2

Funny Tagline
Published Weekly

NHL's Canadians, Russians, Nords Prepare to Face New Competition From North America

     NHL Commissioner Gary Betteman announced this afternoon that a new expansion franchise, the Tijuana Worms, will be joining the League. 

     Stocked with a new breed of hockey player, the team consisting mostly of locals is poised to change the way hockey is played. Anchoring the Worms will be Juan "Speedy" Mercado. The 340 pound center, who glides at speed skater velocity on a 5' 4" frame, is a tough competitor able to play shifts as long as 5 minutes at a time. 

     While the average Worm is in fact shorter than Mercado, the team promises to entertain crowds at home and on the road. In between periods the Worms, most of whom are accomplished musicians, will play mariachi music on the ice. Adding to the excitement of a new team are its uniforms drab potato sack 
cloth jerseys and sombreros in lieu of helmets. 

     "As a tribute to the culture of the Mexican people, we have agreed to waive the hard helmet requirement for the Worms and hope for very colorful hat trick celebrations," said an excited Betteman. The team is expected to make its debut in the 2002-2003 season in its home "The Straw Dome" a soccer stadium with 
a thatched straw roof.

Staff Writer Butch Rogaine covers Mexican Hockey.

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