December 23, 2003

Mad Fv&%ing Cows in Washington

I'm not surprised at all to hear that they found a Mad Cow in the U.S. If you read Eric Schlosser's Fast Food Nation you'll understand why too.

Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

This Just In: More Losers Live With Their Parents

Gawker and the Times are wrong about this:
From the Times' long explication of The Troubled Kids Today: "Many spend their 20's and early 30's shuttling between college and work, professional school and travel, community service and internships, never earning enough to settle down, marry and raise a child." Right. Because the poor never get married and breed.
It's because they're sheepish and afraid -- not because they don't earn enough. Gawker is right to call them losers but not because they're poor.

Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

Blog Describes A Rogue Cop

Newsday: "So I have come up with a better way of writing tickets. I just write down the plates of the cars that cut me off the the [sic] parkways and I send them a bogus parking ticket in the mail. The person will then have to deal with the Parking Violations Bureau and not me. Problem quickly resolved. So, in other words, be careful who you cut off on the road. They might be an off-duty cop and they could write your plates down and write you a $150 parking ticket. Have a nice day.'"

Check out Brooklyn Bacon's blog.

Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

December 22, 2003

Broadway Joe Drunk

During the Jets vs Pats game on Saturday night Suzy Kolber did a quick sideline interview with a seemingly drunk Joe Namath. The clip is hysterical. He's slurring and swaying and TWICE he asks Suzy if he could kiss her! Check it out.

Update: Namath to Offer Apology for Bizarre ESPN Interview

Posted by K-Cebo at | comment


Isiah Thomas hired?

Some great quotes: "Two nefarious villains plucked from our midst within 2 weeks: Scott and Saddam."

"The anti-Layden feeling was so strong in New York that when LeBron James was selected with the No. 1 pick in the draft last June, commissioner David Stern's announcement of the selection was drowned out by a loud chant of Fire Layden."

Recent poll on So far, out of 7100 votes:

  • 83% think NYK waited too long to fire Layden.

  • Nearly 2/3 think Isiah won't be able to do anything because of the bad contracts

  • over 2/3 think Layden is to blame for NYK missing the playoffs the last 2 years

  • Over half think Doc Rivers should be their new coach.

  • Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    Another Miscellaneous Post

    Right now, the radio station WRSU 88.7 FM is playing a song called "Santa Please Don't Come On A Nuclear Missile For Christmas". This has got to be the most bizarre christmas song I've ever heard...

    Saturday, I saw the final Lord Of The Rings film. Overall this is a great film and lived up to my expectations (how often can you say that about a movie?). There were, however, a few parts I didn't remember from the books. First, I totally forgot all Hobbits are gay (not that there's anything wrong with that). Secondly, I never realized that Frodo was banished from the Shire for turning against civilization in an attempt to keep the ring for himself. Don't get me wrong, I think the punishment was justified, I just didn't remember it, that's all. On a related note, it's good to see Sloth from the Goonies working again (Jackson cast him as the Orc leader).

    For those still reading, WRSU is now playing "Rocking Disco Santa Claus". To listen yourself, click over to

    Posted by Crash at | comment

    December 19, 2003

    Nelson & Garcia Police Report and Charges

    New York Yankees Jeff "Nellie" Nelson and Karim Garcia and the Fenway Park Groundskeeper are all charged with assault and battery over playoff bullpen brawl. Check out the documents [PDF].

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    December 18, 2003

    Stop the Insanity

    Click HERE and register a file trader, and do the right thing for the first time in your life.

    Posted by Crash at | comment

    December 17, 2003


    Lohan vs. Duff. Teen Queen Catfight. I was unfamiliar with Lohan until I saw her on Punk'd last night. She's way better than yo girl Duff. Little fiery redhead.

    Also, Victoria's Secret stunner Adriana Lima got even more male blood boiling than usual at the glitzy grand opening of Marquee nightclub this week.

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    December 15, 2003

    Trying to one-up the Sharpie

    Chad Johnson, who has been fined twice recently by the NFL, after he scored a TD yesterday ran and grabbed a sign he had hidden behind a snow bank next to the end zone and held it up. It said "Dear NFL: Please don't fine me again".

    New Orleans Saints receiver Joe Horn celebrated his second touchdown against the New York Giants on Sunday by making a cell-phone call in the end zone.

    Michael Strahan on the Horn incident: "Are you kidding me?... It's like me getting a sack and pulling a potato sack out of my jock strap and draping it over myself."

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    December 13, 2003

    Third time this week

    Reader DamHor points us to the Saint Paris pic set. Very funny.

    He also offers up these priceless photos.

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    New Jersey anti-trust lawyer Alan Milstein

    may have found the loophole Maurice Clarett needs to enter the NFL draft this year:
    When the rule was adopted in February 1990, NFL commissioner Paul Tagliabue issued a press release saying players could enter the draft only after "three full college seasons" had elapsed since their high school graduation. Over the past decade, the notion that players must wait three years has become widely accepted.

    However, as noted by Clarett's attorneys, the formal language of Section 12.1(E) of the bylaws is: "For college football players seeking special eligibility, at least three NFL seasons must have elapsed since the player was graduated from high school."

    Clarett graduated from high school early, on Dec. 11, 2001. That's eight weeks before the 2001 NFL season concluded, including the playoffs. So if one includes the league's 2001 season along with the 2002 and 2003 seasons, Clarett should be permitted to enter the upcoming draft, his attorneys contend.

    "In Clarett's case, he would be ineligible under the press release rule but eligible under the Rule as actually drafted by the NFL," wrote Clarett's four-person legal team led by New Jersey anti-trust lawyer Alan Milstein.
    I wonder if this will prompt more high schoolers to graduate early. The NFL is also arguing over the term elapsed "which it says means the end of a season that began after a player graduated." Clever. But when time elapses does it really matter when you started?

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    Friday Night Screening

    Just got a private screening of a great indie film called The Tollbooth starring Marla Sokoloff. It's still in post production but I definitely recommend it and will let you know more as it evolves. It also stars Idina Menzel who we found to be most hot despite her ass's limited on screen appearance.

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    December 11, 2003

    Film of the Year

    Reader Johny Wahoo writes in to tell us that "The Hebrew Hammer" should win for best film of the year and best song too.

    It says it premieres in theatres on December 19th, but Wahoo saw an advance screening on Comedy Central and can't stop talking about it. I haven't seen it but the combination of Adam Goldberg and 'Jewxploitation' has to be ridiculously funny.

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    How much money can we raise to bid on this?

    A Playboy Calls on His Memories: On Wednesday, Christie's will auction off Hugh Hefner's little black books.

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    I couldn't think of a worse place for a sports franchise

    I mean this one tops Secaucus: Developer Bruce Ratner unveiled his plans yesterday to build a Frank Gehry-designed arena for the Nets basketball team near Downtown Brooklyn.

    Visit the No Stadium website here.

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    December 10, 2003

    If you bought Michael Jackson's #1 Hits then you'll love...

    Rolling Stone says: " removed the customer advice area from the page for Jackson's Number Ones greatest hits album page and several other Jackson albums after unnamed users made recommendations that included books on identifying child molesters, a baby gift set titled 'Thank Heaven for Little Boys' and the latest Captain Underpants books..." [via fimoculous]

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    What's the worst-run franchise in the NBA? Which of these NBA players will make the least money this season? a) Allan Houston b) Antonio McDyess c) Keith Van Horn d) Tim Duncan.

    And it's really a trick question, because Mr. Duncan, the league's reigning two-time MVP, is the only player who doesn't play for the New York Knicks.

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    December 9, 2003

    Nice Job South Dakota!

    [This is a follow up on a previous post]

    Representative Bill Janklow, a South Dakota Congressman, was convicted of second-degree manslaughter on Monday. Read the full story here.

    Posted by Crash at | comment

    December 7, 2003

    USC got jerked big time

    Guest Post by Mr. Bozack: The N.Y. Times acts as if it had nothing to do with USC being screwed. Their computers are the ones that caused the whole problem the BCS uses the times's rankings in there determination of 1 v 2. weeks ago; USC got jumped by Ohio State because the stupid Times computer placed them 5th and OS 2nd after Miami lost.

    The coaches poll automatically awards its final No. 1 ranking to the winner of the B.C.S. title game. The news media voters can choose any team as the champion. Now the often-criticized system of ranking teams and slotting them into four bowl games worth nearly $90 million has created the possibility of two national college football champions: the winner of the L.S.U.-Oklahoma matchup in the B.C.S. title game, and Southern Cal if it defeats Michigan in the Rose Bowl on Jan. 1. Once USC was jumped they were hurt the rest of the way because of the overall computer rankings.

    The NYT started the whole shit. While the Sooners (12-1) dropped from the top spot to No. 3 in the polls, they had the best average among the computer rankings and were judged to have the 11th-toughest schedule in the nation. They retained the No. 1 spot in the B.C.S. ranking, leaving Southern Cal (11-1) and L.S.U. (12-1), a 34-13 victor over Georgia on Saturday in the Southeastern Conference championship game, fighting for No. 2. Southern Cal was fighting history even though it had been ranked right behind Oklahoma in both the news media and coaches' polls because no Pac-10 team has ever played in a B.C.S. title game.

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    Want to keep your cell phone number, but change your provider?

    Beginning Nov. 24, consumers in the nation's top 100 markets, about 193 million Americans, will have the right to keep their mobile phone numbers when they change cellular service providers. [NYT]

    You also need to consult this list to see if its available in your region of the country....

    Update: I just noticed that you can make $150 on this offer!

    Additionally, you can get a free Sony Ericsson Phone, plus Free Bluetooth Headset if you join t-moble or att.

    Update: Major problems with AT&T Wireless

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    December 5, 2003

    Microsoft Sam says...

    If you have XP - go to start, control panel, speech and type in this text: "I am not Stephen awk ing"

    Powered by audblogaudio post powered by audblog

    A comment on Sugar Mr. Poon has lead me to

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    December 4, 2003

    Love Bites

    Makeup Kiss Gone Horribly Wrong: "They say after an argument, the boyfriend tried to give the girlfriend a makeup kiss. Instead, she bit off a large part of his tongue." [via Poon]

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    December 3, 2003

    I know you've been looking or this

    Tribute to Office Space

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    Largest prime number ever is found


    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    What's the fuss?

    A 350 pound man, suffering from an enlarged heart, obesity, and intoxicating levels of cocaine, PCP and methanol in his blood, passed out on a white castle's lawn in Cincinnati. Paramedics were sent, who discovered the man was conscious and becoming a nuisance. At the paramedics request, the police were summoned.

    Arriving on the scene, two officers ordered the man to "stay back". He continued towards the officers, took a swing at one, and put his arm's around the other's neck. The officers struck the man and eventually knocked him to the ground and fell on him. Once on the ground, they jabbed or clubbed him with nightsticks at least a dozen times over several minutes until he was handcuffed. During this time, they kept yelling, "Put your hands behind your back!". Upon searching him, the police discovered cocaine and three hand-rolled cigarettes that had been dipped in methanol, an embalming fluid.

    While in custody, the man died. On the coroner's report, the man's body had bruising on the lower half, but did not show signs of blows to the head or organ damage. The official cause of death is listed as "an irregular heart beat because of a stress reaction from the violent struggle".

    [ed. note: the above is "paraphrased" directly from this yahoo article]

    Activists say his death is another example of brutality by the Cincinnati police, and are calling for an independent investigation. To save the Cincinnati tax payers' money while still satisfying the activists, I have decided to perform this investigation as an act of (court-mandated) public service. Here are my findings:
    1. If you are a 350 pound fat ass and die due to a mix of illegal drugs and physical exertion, blame yourself for poor judgement.
    2. When attacked by a man weighing nearly twice your weight, repeated strikes to his leg (as opposed to, say, his head) in an attempt to subdue him fall under the neccessary force category.
    3. Resisting arrest after assaulting a police officer is never a good idea.
    4. Though your grandmother claims you "was just a good old, fat jolly fella" who "wasn't violent", she probably has never seen you strung out on drugs and passed out on a white castle lawn. Her statements have therefor been disregarded.
    If this is the best example the activists can find, then the Cincinnati Police Department is doing an excellent job.

    Posted by Crash at | comment

    The Simple Life Rocks!

    Adrants: "Later, while picking up some groceries for the Leding family, Nicole and Paris go a bit over their allocated $50 budget at the grocery store and wonder why the clerk won't just 'give' them the overage. The clerk says, 'This isn't a soup kitchen' to which Paris replies, 'What's a soup kitchen?'"

    Posted by K-Cebo at | comment

    Read more in the Archives


    Editor: Crash
    Publisher: K-Cebo
    email us tips or links


    Syndicate this site
    2004 2003 2002
    Sports Parody 2001-02

    Missing Links


    Crash's Picks

    defective yeti
    The Sneeze
    Clark Hornbell
    Rutgers News

    Sports Sites

    Boys of Summer
    Dan Lewis
    NY Daily News
    Sports Fan Magazine
    Sports Central
    Page 2


    The Post
    Smoking Gun
    The Onion
    Urban Legends



    Powered by

    Powered by Blogger Pro

    Odds & Ends

    Google's #1 Ranked
    Sports Parody

    Estab. May 2001

    "It's like The Onion
    ...but with balls!"
    Kenneth Goldstein,
    The Illuminated Donkey

    Disclaimer | Privacy

    get a GoStats hit counter


    Amazon  ebay
    College Essay Advantage
    TradeSports Sports Odds
    Hosting by Webhost4Life

    Amazon Honor System Click Here to Pay Learn More

    The World's Funniest Athletic Supporters (Classic Thong by CafePress)
    The World's Funniest
    Athletic Supporters