Williams' Daughter: "Daddy Wanted to Be Poached"



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Issue #57

The evidence includes a menu from IHOP that contains circles around the words ‘poached,' ‘toast,' ‘coffee,' and ‘muffins."
     Lorna Williams, daughter of baseball great Ted Williams, filed court papers today that claim her father wished to be poached like an egg after his death.

     "We had this conversation many times over breakfast," states Lorna, in an affidavit filed with the pleadings. "Daddy said he wanted to be poached like an egg and then placed on a giant slice of toast."

     Her pleadings, entered by the law firm of Cobb Ruth & Maris, P.C., include an exhibit that purports to prove those wishes beyond a shadow of doubt. The evidence includes a menu from IHOP, autographed by Williams. It contains circles drawn around the words ‘poached,' ‘toast,' ‘coffee,' and ‘muffins.' 

     According to the court papers, Lorna Williams is demanding that the court require her father's estate to release $50,000 and execute the wishes contained on the menu. The money would go towards poaching Williams' body in hot water and then placing it on a gigantic slice of toast baked by General Foods Corp. in an oven specially designed for the procedure. Any remaining funds would go towards buying coffee and muffins for the goodbye reception.

     The International House of Pancakes, which is believed to be paying for Lorna's legal expenses, had no comment regarding the suit. However, Lorna Williams did take time out to address reporters gathered in front of the courthouse.

     "Let my daddy be remembered with dignity!" She then looked quizzically at a reporter who inquired with regard to her father's wishes for his remains after they were poached and placed on toast. "Isn't it obvious? He wanted to be buried in an IHOP doggie bag. I mean, that's such a stupid question. I can't believe you even asked it."


Luscious Rosenbaum likes his eggs over easy with a side of rye toast.
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