Asteroid Narrowly Misses Earth, Hits Warren Sapp

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PHILADELPHIA, PA An asteroid hurtling toward the direction of earth astonished astronomers by instead landing on and become wedged in the body of Bucs defensive tackle Warren Sapp.

"Warren was sitting on the front porch of a home he was renting in Philly for the week when it all happened," said agent Fred Zuckz. "He's got a weight problem, so sometimes he'll put on some of those Richard Simmons work out tapes and exercise.

Even with an asteroid in his ass, Warren Sapp is a happy man.

He was listening to "I Believe I Can Fly," and kinda doing these stretches, where his arms spread out like the wings of a bird." That is when near tragedy struck. The asteroid, weighing about 300 pounds and descending into the atmosphere at a rapid pace, struck Sapp in the rear end.

"All I can say right now is that we think Mr. Sapp will be fine," said personal physician Jim Septum. "The heat from the asteroid seared some warts off of Warren's ass ... he feels better than ever and should be ready to challenge the sack record next year."

by Luscious Rosenbaum

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