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Tues, Oct 16, 2001

Dallas Calls on Reserves to Beat the Skins

by Matt Schroeder

WAHINGTON – ESPN’s Steve Young threw for two touchdowns to Fox’s Chris Collinsworth, and ABC’s Eric Dickerson added 131 yards on the ground as a hastily arranged team of pro football analysts defeated the Washington Redskins 31-6 on Sunday.

     “Sterling (Sharpe, another ESPN analyst) and I were breaking down tape of the Redskins last week, and I was dumbstruck by how bad they were,” said Young, the former San Francisco 49ers quarterback. “It just started as a joke between Sterling and I, you know how it is, saying, ‘We could beat these guys.’ 

     “After about an hour, we looked at each other and realized, we could beat these guys.”

     Young and Sharpe cobbled together a team comprised of ABC, CBS, ESPN and Fox studio personalities, and convinced Fox’s Marv Levy to coach. Though the analysts had only a week of practice and many have not played in 10 years or more, they thoroughly dominated the hapless Redskins. 

     On the analysts’ very first series the 42-year-old Collinsworth, who hasn’t played in the NFL since 1988, got behind 41-year-old Darrell Green for a 38-yard touchdown catch down the right sideline. Young threw the ball an instant before he was hit by defensive end Bruce Smith, but it was the only time Smith had any success beating former Rams tackle Jackie Slater.

     Young guided two touchdown drives in the first half and later gave way to Sean Salisbury, Ron Jaworski, Mark Malone, Phil Simms and Terry Bradshaw at quarterback. Despite the lack of practice and the fact that Bradshaw is more than 50 years old, the analysts never had a turnover.

     “Playing time wasn’t a problem,” huffed Bradshaw after the game. “But on the sidelines, all us quarterbacks were fighting over who got to go to the post-game press conference.”

     But perhaps the lowest moment for the Redskins came when Tony Banks, wholly inept as Washington’s quarterback, tried to scramble and was caught for a sack by Fox’s NFL This Morning panelist Deacon Jones. Banks was flushed from the pocket by Fox’s Howie Long and scrambled right into the arms of Jones, who was part of the Rams’ Fearsome Foursome in the 1960s.

     “This hasn’t been a great year for me, but nothing is worse than getting sacked by a guy old enough to be your grandpa,” said Banks.

A Washington insider has leaked information to Matt Schroeder that the Redskins are cursed until they change their name.

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