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Tues, Oct 9, 2001

Cal-Chic

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by Butch Rogaine

Do you want to be like Cal? Do the things on this list and people will love and praise you the way the world adores Ripken!!!

1. Try not to work over 3 hours a day. It's ok to leave work early, just get there on time or you won't get credit for the day.

2. Don't take any days off from work -- except for a five to sixth month period each year, when you essentially lie around and stretch. Your boss may call it a leave of absence, but you should think of it as your off-season.

3. During the six month period that you work, avoid your family as though they were the plague. Live in a hotel in a different city than the wife and kids. Also, make sure you don't even stay in the same hotel as your co-workers. Remember, you already spend almost 3 hrs a day with them!!

4. Hire a public relations firm, which can make announcements to the world whenever you get so much as a paper cut.

5. If possible, get your dad to be your boss. Cal felt a lot of job security when his dad, Cal Sr., took over as manager in the middle of his streak.

6. Don't take a bus ANYWHERE!! Try to travel by air or sea. If you must go across land, have someone carry you on his shoulders.

7. Have valets do as much of your non-work activities for you as possible.

8. When you get close to being 40 years old, quit!

9. After retirement, as soon as you get sick of finally being with your family every day, call up all the networks to see if anyone is interested in hearing you talk about what you did for a living.

10. If that doesn't work out, we've got a great TV role for you in the remake of a show that rhymes with Shmelvedere.

Butch Rogaine

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