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Tues, Aug 14, 2001

Davis Threatens Moving Raiders

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On the brink of the 2001 season, Raiders Owner Al Davis is threatening to move his team to South Bend, Indiana.

by Butch Rogaine

Oakland Raiders owner Al Davis, pursuing his endless goal of defying the National Football League, may be moving his team out of the League and into college football’s Division I-A. The deal was initially disclosed by Notre Dame president, Rev. Jeffrey O’Pigskin, during a meeting of the school’s board of trustees. According to one witness, the Board unanimously agreed to give O’Pigskin authority to replace the school’s Fighting Irish team with the NFL franchise. The only thing left is for Davis to sign a few papers.

The Notre Dame Fightin' Raiders

It is uncertain whether this is another ploy by the Raiders’ owner to get a better deal in Oakland or a serious decision to make money on the collegiate level. “Notre Dame has a national television contract that requires every NBC affiliate to broadcast their games on Saturdays. If Davis moved his team there, he’d have far more exposure than any other NFL team,” noted Serj Malakian, a writer for Street and Smith’s Sports Business Journal.

Although NCAA rules require collegiate athletes to be enrolled in college, it is believed that signing up Raider players for basket weaving classes should be enough. Furthermore, the NCAA is lusting after money, and it is therefore more likely to bend some of its rules. For example, the Raider players would be paid their regular salaries in spite of strict prohibitions on such a practice. As if that’s not a good enough deal for the athletes, also consider that their salaries would no longer be subject to limitations by a salary cap.

Nationwide exposure is just one of many reasons for the move to Notre Dame. With nothing but grown men on its team, the new Fighting Irish would be lock-ins for a number one ranking among college teams. The school would also benefit from added publicity and a new stadium named after and paid for by Pepsi.

Most Raider players seemed excited at the prospect of moving to Notre Dame. “Maybe I can win that Heisman I always wanted!” exclaimed QB Rich Gannon. “I hope they let us dorm,” said Charlie Garner. “Irish Catlick chicks are hot.”

The students at Notre Dame were not as elated. “My meal ticket is gone,” lamented QB Matt LoVecchio. “Now I have to actually take out student loans and study for my classes. All my girlfriends are gonna leave me. This blows. It’s total b.s.!!”

“The offensive line is gonna eat up all the food in campus!!” exclaimed sophomore Angie Russo.

Nevertheless, Davis may be a trailblazer, opening the way for several similar arrangements if he goes through with his deal. New York’s Yeshiva University is already inquiring about whether the Chargers would like to come to Washington Heights and be the ‘Fighting Yiddish.”

Butch Rogaine
has threatened to move the A's to Brooklyn if www.OaklandFans.com does not add a link to TF on their site.
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Issue #12

Inside the Arizona Cardinals Training Camp: "Those Gentle Birds"



Analyzing Bob
Brenly’s “Unwritten Rules of Baseball”
AFC Preview:
Central & West









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