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Issue #15 |
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NY Liberty/Knicks Dark Secret Revealed Butch Rogaine Cuts M. Ali Down to Size TwistedFans' Fields Little League Team Giants Sign Pat Summerall to Compete with PK Morten Andersen |
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Randy Johnson |
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Seattle Wins Bid to Host Yankees |
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by Luscious Rosenbaum New York City is tired of ticker tape parades in its Canyon of Heroes every October. As a result, the city's mayor, Rudolph Giuliani, has promised Seattle that it can host the N.Y. Yankees' parade after the team wins another World Series this Fall. "I just feel so bad for the rest of America. I bet the world sometimes forgets that baseball is played outside New York," said Giuliani. "I think this move will win us some love from the rest of the country. Those poor other cities. No one goes to visit them anymore. Man is New York great!!" In addition to announcing his plans for the parade, which will be paid for entirely by the city of Seattle, Giuliani has proposed an Olympics-style plan by which cities will make bids each year to determine who gets to host the next Yankees parade. "All I can say is that so far Tokyo has a leg up on everyone for next year," said the smiling mayor, who says he would not rule out the Gaza Strip or any other hostile regions as potential parade sites. "Just give us money so we can build more stadiums," he remarked. When told of the Seattle parade, S.F. Giants outfielder Barry Bonds was visibly angry. "Man! I already planned a trip to Seattle for right after my team's playoff loss -- so I could avoid seeing that Yankees parade. What am I gonna do with my plane tickets now??" Bonds could find a taker in the form of one Cliff Floyd, who said that Bobby Valentine had promised and delivered to him tickets to N.Y., so that the Marlins outfielder could attend this year's Yankees parade. "These suckers are nonrefundable. Maybe me and Barry can swap." |
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