This past week, TF Senior Staff Writer Butch Rogaine had dinner with Fox broadcasters John Madden and Pat Summerall on the famous Madden Cruiser. Butch planned to discuss the state of the game as well as the surprises and disappointments of the young season, but he got somewhat different results. Here’s an edited transcript of the events that transpired.
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Above: The Madden Cruiser.
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Butch Rogaine: John, what do you consider to be one of the more pleasant surprises of the season?
Madden: Maybe the Carolina Panthers. They’re not going to the playoffs, but they are staying in games with a rookie QB and without Biakabatuka. You know, I think I once ate a Biakabatuka.
Pat Summerall: Madden gulps a can of gravy.
Rogaine: Uh, ok. John, do you think the refs are overprotecting QB’s these days?
Madden: Its very frustrating Butch ... watching you eat that lobster. You’ve gotta get your hands dirty in there. Smack that sucker with the mallet and don’t be afraid to splatter it around.
Summerall: Rogaine receives eating utensils. That knife looks sharp.
Madden: You know Pat, I always say you need a sharp knife if you’re gonna carve into a good steak or lobster.
Summerall: Madden scratches his belly.
Butch: Thanks again for this great dinner. Now, getting back to football ...
Summerall: Madden leaves the table to take a leak.
Rogaine: Hey Pat, don’t you do enough play by play when you’re at work?
Madden: Ah, that felt good!!
Summerall: For those of you who don’t think that John stayed in bounds of the toilet during his leak, here is a replay.
Rogaine: Hey, I thought we were gonna talk football.
Summerall: The chef is about to review the creme brulee .
Madden: He’s got his hands in that sauce. The film shows that he didn’t put enough pepper in there.
Rogaine: What the hell are you guys talking about?! Who do you guys think is going to the Superbowl?
Madden: Jambalaya! I could use me a nice plate of shrimp jambalaya.
Summerall: Madden swallows a seat cushion.
Rogaine: You didn’t even put any salt on that thing!
Madden: Not many people know that you can survive without food for a week if you’ve got a seat cushion to eat.
Summerall: Madden begins bouncing a rubber ball off of Butch Rogaine’s head.
Rogaine: Stop that! It hurts!!
Summerall: Aikman enters the Madden Cruiser
Aikman: Blue! 42! Left!
Rogaine: What the hell is wrong with you Aikman? Having another sack flashback.
Summerall: He’s calling an audible.
Aikman: Red Dog! Black Ranger! Hut! Hut!
Summerall: Aikman collapses on the ground.
Madden: He’s got tire marks on his back, I wonder where those came from.
Summerall: Madden pulls out his ATV.
Rogaine: What are you doing??!!
Summerall: Madden runs over Aikman. That’s gonna hurt when he wakes up.
Rogaine: You guys are nuts.
Madden: I could use me some after dinner nuts.
Summerall: Madden grabs Aikman’s crotch.
Senior Staff Writer Butch Rogaine blames his editor for this wonderful experience.
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