June 12, 2001


 Issue #4

A Tangled Web of Intrigue
Published Weekly

Stanley Cup Washed

DenverThe Stanley Cup was reportedly run through the wash by the wife of Colorado Avalanche star Ray Bourque, Christiane, on Sunday. "Good fucking Christ, that thing was filthy," said Christiane of the much-needed, disease-purging wash.   

The microbe-free, squeaky-clean (and spit-shined by the Bourques' neighbor kid Neville McDermott) Stanley Cup.

     Thousands of people's kisses and approximately 14 billion germs were banished from the Cup in the Bourques' Maytag Kenmore Dishwasher. The Cup, donated to the NHL by Frederick Arthur, Lord Stanley of Preston and son of the Earl of Derby in 1893, said "Aaaaaaahh" when reached for comment.

Staff Writer Willy P. Ondabich needs a good shine himself, any takers?

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