June 26, 2001

Phil Jackson Prepares
Reading List For 76ers

Issue #6

A Tangled Web of Intrigue

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Phil Jackson, Head Coach of the NBA champion Lakers and all-around Zen Master, is well known for assigning a unique reading list for each player and assistant coach on his team. The hope, according to Jackson, is that the readings will be conducive towards personal growth and fulfillment. This year, however, the coach has found it in his heart to provide his team's NBA Finals opponent, the defeated Philadelphia 76ers, with a reading list of their own.

Allen Iverson: Curious George Pop-Up Book, by Margaret E. Ray
Jackson's Commentary: The story of Curious George is an allegory of Allen's life. He is George, always getting in trouble, and Larry Brown is the Man in the Yellow Hat. Allen can benefit from reading about the travails that Curious George gets into as a result of his disobedience and general ignorance. I recommend the pop-up book, because it is more likely to hold his attention and doesn't have too many words for him to tackle.

Dikembe Mutombo: The Tortoise and the Hare, by Aesop
Jackson's Commentary: Deke lacks the muscle, skill, and overall drive that Shaq has. It's why he will never win anything and O'Neal's team will always beat him. However, Dikembe is a real humanitarian and a great guy. That's why I think he can benefit from reading a fantasy where a slow and less skilled character actually wins.

Coach Larry Brown: Whining: 3 Steps to Stopping It before the Tears and Tantrums Start, by Audrey Ricker
Jackson's Commentary: Coach Brown's post season press comments are absolutely pathetic. He is always complaining about how his players don't get calls. The truth is that his players lack skill. The only reason they should be crying is after another loss at the hands of Shaq and Kobe, not bawling on the floor every time they imagine some injustice brought upon them by the men in stripes.

Eric Snow, Aaron McKie, Tyrone Hill: The Complete Idiot's Guide to Cosmetic Surgery, by George D. Semel
Jackson's Commentary: Look at these ugly guys!! Need I say more?

Staff Writer Butch Rogaine likes to scrape the pages of Pat Croce's braille books with a knife for fun.

See also
Phil Jackson's Book Club by K-Cebo Satashi.

June 26, 2001

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